Angel Healings

I gave myself some time to heal this past month since the break up and I have used this time to be restored.

Restored through friendship beach trips, new hair, acupuncture, massage therapy, music, candles, hot baths and all the self love. I wanted to take the time to journal this process and jot down my feelings in this moment of time.

On this rainy Tuesday with a consistent down pour trickling in the back ground with the clicking of the keys on my key board I feel at peace. Nick, my acupuncturist challenged me to strive for calm. Seek calm. And Being Calm. I found that moving. It doesn't seem like a steep request, but it does have intent and purpose. I grew up in a culture that was busy, toxic, chaotic, drama-filled and always on the go. Anxiety to the max. To be challenged to live in the calm was a breath of fresh air. Calm was success. And if I was constantly trying to "improve", am I seeing how far I have come? Am I enjoying the current moment? In short, no. I can't. If I'm always living in the future, I'm not present

I look up to Nick. I trust him monthly to poke needles into me for minutes on end. I trust him enough to tell him my life story and cry in his modest, but beautiful, home where he holds his practice.

So I find myself aligned, as Nick would say. When I messaged him half joking if there was some acupuncture technique to make my period stop aligning with the full moon. He said "that's awesome. It mean's your body is IN TUNE". And I thought to myself "damn.... my body has never been in tune." LOL Da faq?!

So lets talk about my acupuncture experience. I have zero piercings and zero tattoos. I'm afraid of needles, I always have been. So taking this step was out of desperation and needing something new. The first session was the most needles he had put in me. 13. lol (3 in each ear too) It was jaring and I was profusely sweating from anxiousness. But he was gentle. I learned that it isn't an abundance of needles that are important, it is the location they are placed and the healing you want to get out of each session.

Talking with Nick is like talking to a best friend. He is the very definition of a healer. Open minded, fiercly loving and .... DIVINE. I guarantee he knows all these things about himself already; his work demands these traits. He lives/works in Baltimore with the homeless and those struggling with substance abuse. I've known of Nick for roughly two and a half years. When I first heard/learned of him he came in the form of an abrasiveness wake up call from my therapist, his friend, Daniel. His name was written on the back of a yellow posted note. A posted note that on the other side, suggested things to research like Vipassna healing (7-10 vowel of silence and meditation) and other books to read. At the time I swore Daniel slipped me the name of his drug dealer for "magic mushrooms" and I was offended he did such a thing. I just stared, intrigued at the name on that back of that tiny piece of paper. But I held onto that sticky note and eventually one day called it for "dream help" to scope him out. It was the only way I could justify using his number, knowing the reason Daniel gave me the referral was for more than "chatting about my vivid dreams."

So now when I'm in his office, that is also his living room/ yoga room/ music/ healing room, I get to enjoy the rainbows the window decorations spread into the room. The painting canvas his roomate works on changes every time I am there. And I sit in his oddly matching comfy second-hand chairs and he says "What brings you here today?". I tell him I want to move on from Sean and that today, our most recent session, was to help me process the break up, move the bad stuff out and to release negative things that no longer serve me. He asked me what "bad" meant to me. Making sure I was labeling things correctly. And I told him the story of how Sean scared me into my first hospital visit in two years. He asked me to make a promise to myself from today on, not to allow space for people like that in my life anymore, and do my due diligence with my clairvoyance of human social skills to search people out deeper before making commits to moving in with violent/ angry humans. I made that promise, tearfully.

5 minutes after the wrist action. It went away quickly though.

I tapped on the drum wanting to hear its tune as he set up the table where we were just talking. He told me to bang on them, "yes sister, keep going!" but I was only curious. Music is healing! I laid on the table and put my head on a comfy pillow and he worked his magic. Indeed this atheist would still call the work he does as magical. He told me we had two options of treatment today. "Option A or Options B." And he waited for me to randomly pick. But he didn't tell me what either were, how was I suppose to pick? He picked for me. He told me it would hurt. It did, but I was grateful for his honesty. I needed it. I like to be prepared for things and stay informed. The location he picked in my wrists felt like lightening buzzing through hand, down my fingers out my finger tips. It numbed my hand and ached. I sat with the sensation in my right hand knowing the left was coming. The left was much worse. All the same things but more intense. We decided to remove that one though. I say we, because healing is only as good as your healer, and he respected my comfort levels even when I told him I wanted to make it work. He said I didn't have to. I guess today's journey didn't need to be painful. My left side of my body is not as in sync as the rest of my body it seems, it always hurts more.

Mine are less pixilated and more blobs but similar to this.

That's when I lay staring up a the intricately decorated mid-centry, 1800's Victorian vaulted ceilings. It reminded me of the Maryland Theatre, in Hagerstown, my local theatre for all the plays, but there was no murals. It was ornate with gold colored wood work! And than I closed me eyes to watch the "light show" as he walked into the next room to give me privacy. I see colors sometimes with meditation. Similar to when you rub your eyes randomly, but its non stop during acupuncture.

Vivid purples, blues, electric greens, and warm yellow-white lights, sometimes splotches, sometimes specific formations and shapes dance on my eye lids in the space my eyes would usually be taking in the world. And than a new sensation I had never experienced before happen, as if the sun had came out from behind a cloud over my eye lids and lit up my minds eye. A warm bright light. The color would grow brighter as I focused on it. I opened my eyes, only to find the room was darker than the inside of my eye lids. Huh? What was going on? So I opened and closed my eyes several times, trying to figure it out. I had questions for Nick when he came back to check on me. But until than I decided to just enjoy it.

The brightness resembled the blue markings of progressive brightness.

When he came back into the room I asked him about this phenomenon, while it was pleasant and new, I I like learning and wanted to know what it was. I was excited to share it because I thought it was really cool, and annoying that I didn't know what was going on. When I described what I saw he told me with a grin that "I look for people like you, who have these experiences. Most people don't experience that. But I have before." I asked "What do you think it means?" as he removed more needles, "I know we don't have the same belief systems, but what would you call it?" He said, with more smiles as a matter-of-fact, "I think you saw and were visited by an angel." He was waiting for me to react to that. I was in awe. Not because I believe in angels, I don't, but that something with such strong healing symbolism was what he told me my experience was. It felt good. Like I was special. (I am!) But to be honest, through my mental health journey I've had "spiritual experiences" before aka what I know understand to be hallucinations. I wanted to keep myself grounded in reality, but I know Nick lives somewhere in the space between. He has told me he willingly travels between as well! *wink wink* Which is why I value his experiences and opinions. He is both "trippy, righteous and wholesome" and much as he is real, empathetic and understanding. He respects my beliefs and still knows I can use his healing services as the atheist I am. He makes space for me.

I don't think I saw an angel, but Nick certain is certainly the closest human being to one of those "heavenly inspired and powerful" people I have met in my life. (thanks Daniel.)

When I finished that session I felt not 10lbs lighter but 45lbs! It was a fabulous feeling. The lightness wasn't in my feet but my head and upper body. More peace than I have felt in a long time. No pain. Just calm.

I pay out of pocket and drive 3 hours round trip for this experience and that moment alone was worth all of it so far! Even though the others were really great too!

Aaaaaaand than saw my amazing hair stylist who colored my hair! To which Nick loved and said they were:

"Blessed Crown Chakra Upgrades"

Surrounding yourself with good people has made my life more fulfilling. Head to toe service is what the month of June 2021 is for this single babe!

She sent me the photo she took of my hair and a loving message.

How amazing it is to be spoken of in this way, through love and light?!?! Pretty fucking fabulous. I know my blogs are often grueling, sad and dark, it's nice to be feeling the healing this past month has been already, and I still have a week left!

Yesterday I had my first professional massage by Seans formal room mate. She is so dear and sweet.

I am headed to the pool tomorrow with a new friend I made through the ex mormon community and her 4 kiddos. Thursday is more acupuncture, and another beach trip is this Friday-Sunday!

I've said to myself I want to continue living this way, but it is demanding financially. (not as much as you think) Having a fixed income does require my penny counting, and I am good at that. Some might say, "eventually these things may have to stop." But I don't want them to. I'm not sure what that means yet other than I need to make more money, so I continue feeling this good and taking good care of myself.

So yeah. I'm fabulous, and I deserve it. Happy Tuesday, Summer Solstice (a day late), and Full moon vibes to all!