Saying Yes to Me

Long time no see folks. It's been four months of no blogging, but I certainly have been busy in every other way. I've been catching up on life I've missed living the past few years. Mostly good things have been happening for me and I so deserve this. So on this rainy Friday I'm going to catch you up quickly on my last few months.

Prozac has been working well for me this go around. I harbor thoughts like "it's only a matter of time before they wear off or another suicide attempt will happen" but honestly I don't know. This is the best I have ever felt in my entire life, aside from some mania.... So I've been living it up with the good days I've been given right now! And it's about damn time I'm almost 29!

I removed my chaotic, unreliable roommates. I moved into a 1bedroom apartment complex. I started dating again and have a boyfriend! I went on vacation with my best friend. Found out my ex is engage to the woman he cheated on me with. (No surprise there) and I've been working on me.

I also started a women's empowerment group. It's called Sadness= Tiddies. We send photos of our boobs to each other, share life details, celebrate each other, send funny memes and lift each other up, have weekly tarrot readings and more! I even helped a new friend Jolene, get a protective order against her abusive husband, by watching her son as she took care of adult things on her own.

I got my Felony exponged! The "fleeing and evading the police" one where I drove my car into a tree at 75mph trying to kill myself back in 2018!. So yey for me, I plan to go back to work very soon, this month maybe!!

I scheduled and went to both my dental and eye exams which were sorely needed. Gratefully no cavities. A perfect check up and they were finally able to manually scrape the left over braces cement that has been on my teeth for over 13 years! THANK YOU! My vision is meh, I need new glasses but it isn't super bad or anything since its been 3 years since I last had my appointment. That's next months expense, new frames!

I started smoking weed nightly to help me sleep a few months back. It's helped with many things in my life. Including decreased monthly menstrual symtpoms and less/no cramps! But mostly it has helped with my PTSD dreams/ sleeping. I'm in the process now of getting my medical marijuana card.

I'm also in the process of saving up to become a Death Dula as a career. I plan an entire blog on that sometime in the near future. I think I'd really enjoy helping people have end-of-life planning and learn about more options we have for how we can go out. Even if its with a bang! *que putting dead bodies in cannons shooting them out with a bang*. Too morbid? lol Death should be how you want it. It's your body, its your choice. Wanna go out in flames? why not?

So my boyfriend... His name is DIllon, I know you've already looked him up and stalked his social medias, don't pretend you haven't. He went from almost giving me chlamydia to tested, treated, clean/safe and making better choices for his sex life. And it would be stupid to leave out the part where he brought over to my home on our first sleep over, some 12 inch knife.You know: Tooth brush, pillow, change of clothes, and something to kill me in my sleep, nothing crazy. Freaked me the fuck out. He absolutely wasn't a shinning star depiction of "Kirsten's next boyfriend" and yet he apologized and is making changes. So here we are exploring what there may or may not be. He's young, 23. (oof I know) And he has yet to explore and live his life too. He's had a seizure medical condition prohibiting him from going and doing all he would like to do. He's on new meds and is a month away from getting back his license and new independence. (he can finally come to me) He also plans to move away next summer. Most likely without me. So although my feelings for him are real and serious, and I enjoy time with him, I'm not really sure what the future holds; I'm okay with that for right now.

We are going to Busch Gardens for my birthday on the 14th! His first time there and out of his home city for some real good fun! We have gone bowling and played in the arcade and did laser tag together. We smoke weed and have a lot of sex. Because this is my life and I do whatever the fuck I want now. For me. Anyways, Dillon is super affectionate and likes long slow kisses, cuddles and quiet moments. I asked him if anyone has ever gotten him flowers before, he said "never". I like being the first, so he got some orange roses the following week. A few days later I woke up to hand picked flowers from his morning walks beside me as I slept. He left them on the tissue box (he got me sick the week earlier)

I've started decorating my home slowly. I need lots more things, but that cost money, (hense feeling ready to go back to work!) My minimalist life style has been due to being frugal and just being poor. If I had more money and flexibility I'd be doing a lot more boujee things! And I'd certainly already own a gorgeous 15 foot rug for my living room. Those fuckers are expensive. I just want my home to be cozy and cute. But before the rug I want lots of plants on my balcony. I want to to be a rain forest where I can do yoga in the mornings. My own little get away. So far I have 3 flower planters, (cost me $80) Plants are expensive too. And one of them weighs like 40lbs! But it has lots of different flowers in it!

So yeah, I've been living my life for me lately and shit is good. Every Thursday I still have weekly therapy with Ericka, we had our one-year-anniversary in April I believe... I have a new shrink I really love who offers text message booking appointments! She is really a Psychiatric NP but I'm really happy to have her in my life! Her name is Melissa Ward and she is in Fredrick Maryland. And let me remind you again all of this magic is because I've put in hard work. I've always been putting in hard work. I'm not working any harder than I was last year or the year before, I'm just finally receiving the benefits. I'm in a time of receiving and healing. I see it, I feel it, and I am doing my best to be present for myself during these GOOD times. Nothing lasts forever.

I know my previous blogs are a lot more in depth and detailed compared to this is a brief and condensed run down of the past 4 months for me, but hopefully it will due in this season of life. Until next time! I'm living for me.

Xoxo,

me