Goodbye

So many emotions have gone through me since hearing of the death of my grandfather. Mostly hurt and abandonment from my still-living blood relatives for leaving me out of the loop on that details and than was told after the fact by my father. Until this past week I had all three sets of my grandparents still living. My grandfather marks the first-closest person to me who has died.

Text from my father.

It is presumed that I am the only one in my family that wasn't directly told of my grandfathers passing. And it was done intentionally. I found out by my dad messaging me about it. That might seem normal to you, but not in my family. My father and mother have been divorced for 15 years. My mother and her family are estranged, completely, from my dad and his. So him knowing about it first, while not surprising, is hurtful. My sister messaged him about it. According to her, with the intentions of getting it to me. Apparently I was suppose to thank her... lol

I made a post about it on two of my social medias. With screen shots of the conversation between my father and I, and my grandmother and I the last time we spoke. And in one of the posts I tagged two of my cousins, calling them out for not letting me know.

The post

The call out.

One of my cousins reached out to me and apologized for assuming the news was spread to everyone. And provided some feed back on family gossip about me that happens even with people who aren't family and are "just friends". (aka prior to my cousin dating her husband, while they were just friends, I was mentioned in a "dramatic way" enough for him to remember and say something later about it to my cousin.)

Suspicious.

This is not where this story ends. My biological sister shared her opinions on one of my posts. I'll post the screen shots at the bottom of this blog because they are lengthy and annoying and not the purpose of this blog. Essentially she said that "if I didn't have her blocked I'd already know about his death." And yet there she was, on her unblocked account telling me about it and telling me not to come. Also, she "intentionally texted our father to get the news to me", even though she knows how to reach me.

Meghan made several other separate comments. I chose to reply to one of them. To which she called me out for sharing personal and special memories about my grandparents in this blog, Dirt Road. And some but definitely not all include racist and homophobic things. Things they are ashamed of being made public. But these aren't the only things I remember about my grandparents. You take the good with the bad. Unless the bad is too over whelming or compromises your integrity. I told my dad when I took him to the air port last week that when you grow old you either become like Grandma Younker or Grandma Smith. Bitter and mean with age, or soft and humble. Death knocks on all their doors, frequently, you'd think they'd make the best of it and enjoy it or join the family tradition of suicide. lol

I was even accused that the things written in that blog were doxing information and that I Might Get Sued by my mother because of my blog(s). And yet his obituary shares far more personal information about him and his family and where he lived than anything I have written. I guess doxing information is okay if it's all positive? Which is nonsense, and exactly why I wasn't sued. Because it's non scense. So here is my paps personal information and and the rest of my "family members" names and city locations. Right in this obituary -> Freddie Younker.

None the less, death services are for the living, not the dead. And if none of the living invited me to these services, of course I'm not going. Showing up, unwanted and unannounced is not my intention. The new life I live heeds the exact opposite. I go where I am welcome and loved. Neither of these things are given by my blood relatives. And I will not be attending unless I get an invite from my grandmother herself that she would like my support those days. She'll likely have enough support though, I doubt she needs mine. Mask up Memaw, you're taking a lot of chances!

She was one of the last people I was still on speaking terms with in my family. Sadly she had been ignoring my out reach and lying all year to me about the reason she didn't want me to visit her. Making excuses... I have not seen the Younker Grandparents since October 2019 despite asking to come visit. Of course Covid has made this difficult, but I offered social distancing, masks, and I'd even talk to her through her window if she wanted visitors. But she has already been getting family visitors. And weekly!

According to my cousin, there has been speculation that my grandmother has been peer pressured to make certain decisions lately in her life? Likely from their weekly visitor. My mother; the only child of my grandparents who lives locally, unfortunately. Of course I wouldn't know anything about this coerosion, I haven't seen these people in over a year. But if the peer pressure rumor that was started by my cousins family believes this... it's seems most likely in reference to the person who visits them the most and has the most influence. The other sister lives in fucking idaho. *side eyes* Catch my drift?

Yo mama, I see you. Here is your blog call out too! Click here to read about my Mom.

While I'm not happy that my grandfather suffered miserably the past 15 years of life with cancer and dozens of other illnesses that deteriorated his body because of the chemo treatments, I'm glad he no longer in pain. I also hope it brings some relief to my grandma that she won't be screamed at everyday anymore. He was miserable and angry. Short tempered and depressed. I hope with the new found quietness she finds some peace and joy.

The fact that all but one of my family members let me know of my pappy's well being and than passing, only after being called out- lets me know it's time to make decisions for myself that will protect me from being hurt.

I know my grandmothers dementia is getting bad, and I have no idea yet how painful it is loosing parts of yourself as you age, but lying to me and leaving me out is unexceptionable. If she is being manipulated, that is sad too! Missing using the elderly is rampant, and that is an all time low of my mothers if that is the case. I already know that my family rallied together and told each other not to share with my grandparents that I left the Mormon cult back in 2018. They keep things from each other to try and "protect people". They hide things and lie. I was grateful to have been able to share such a personal journey of mine with my grandmother when I finally got to sit down with her, face-to-face and catch up, during out last meeting in October 2019. I could sense that she was hurt when it became clear that the rest of the family knew and she was the last to know. I wonder if learning that is one of the reasons she refused to see me anymore? More than 1/3 her grand kids, and one of her daughters aren't active members anymore either, so it is odd timing otherwise.

All that matters now is that I am surrounded by people who love and care for me, and I'm sorry that none of them are blood relatives. I really had no idea what is was like to be loved like this. Held while you were at your worse, instead of kicked on and spit.

There will be no further communication with the blood relatives who participated in this last goodbye. I'll miss you pap and your dirty pick-up truck rides!

Xoxo,

Pirsten

(aka Kirsten, what he always called me)

Tagged my blog

Communicating with me on her unblocked account? Also, she really expects me to keep an eye on the herald mail website for obituaries for people I know regularly? What? Who does that?

Who doesn't share photos of their family when blogging about them in their personal journal?

My family does not think fondly, or kindly of neither my sister or I. I'm mind blown about the things they say about her behind her back, and yet she uses events like this to try and show her support. I think she is still hurt over me going public with her abusing her children and spouse.

Hates me before, and after I am on disability, trying to get the help I need. Nothing about my sister has changed one bit since I had to block her on Facebook in 2016. And now she is blocked on Instagram too. She has to use her fake accounts (yes plural) to do her stalking now.