How to Straight Edge

If you refrain from the use of drugs, alcohol, tobacco, other recreational drugs and occasionally caffeine/chocolate and/or are vegan and pro animal rights. You're straight edge- and it's dope. Dope as in cool, not the dope as in drugs that boost dop(e)amine in your brain.

I'm a 26 year old ex-Mormon and as much as I'd like to say I'm no longer a reflection of the belief system/life style I left behind, it has helped create who I am today.

I don't drink coffee, I think it taste horrid. Smells great though! (like grandmas house!)

I still wonder where 10% of my income can go instead of to a church tithe. Now I wonder if people just put enough effort to give 10% of their income or time into a charity of their choice instead of growing a church- what good could result. Would we finally cure cancer?

I don't smoke or use tobacco products and I never dabbled into drugs. (I tried marijuana 3 times though, intense migraines resulted and I won't be trying again) In a world suffering through a opiod/addiction crisis- that's one thing that skipped my genetics.

Cancer, heart failure, depression, asthma, poor eye site, soft teeth, obesity, diabetes- My family hit the jack pot of physical illnesses, but not addiction! We even live forever. My great-grand parents on my mothers side lived until almost 94, with 73 years of marriage. They died within 3 months of each other. Crazy.

My brother was recently in town and was surprised to hear I drink alcohol. *gasps*. I rarely justify the purchase and usually it's only around my period to ease the cramps. I've never been drunk, though wine is my choice of alcohol. So tasty! I like red and white. Sweet and dry, depends on the occasion!

But a lot of people I grew up with and have met in my life are in active addiction or recovery. Growing up, most people went through a "party phase" where they experimented with all these things. Then there was me... choosing my teenage years to wear shorts to my knees, full 1-piece bathing suits, have modest speech, living a life of abstinence, hours of weekly devotion to church service and worship and being self righteous with thinking I was better than everyone because of these choices. But did it truly make me better? I don't know if those in addiction or recovery would choose to go back and no longer "have fun and be cool". To not have sex, party, smoke, drink, pick up a needle or have those life lessons and experiences. Would they choose to live a different life? Because addiction isn't simply just a choice. And what makes me special from making similar choices but it not affecting me the same? I've tried alcohol, but I'm not an alcoholic. How would they have known their biological weakness would cripple their future life?

It's simple. They wouldn't.

And if they were presented education that support this evidence many would ignore it. I was simply trying to obey god. I assure you he didn't save me though.

"One reason that education alone cannot prevent substance abuse is that people who are vulnerable to developing substance abuse disorders tend to exhibit a trait called "delay discounting," which is the tendency to devalue rewards and punishments that occur in the future. Delay discounting may be paralleled by "reward myopia," a tendency to opt for immediately rewarding stimuli, like drugs.

Thus, people vulnerable to addiction who know that drugs are harmful in the long run tend to devalue this information and to instead be drawn to the immediately rewarding effects of drugs."

How you choose to live your life is up to you. Drink, don't drink. I no longer want to judge you, I don't carry the genetics for substance dependency. I'm the gal who sips 5oz of wine maybe one day a month. But I vividly recall many times when I was invited and encouraged to do these things. And when I told everyone I didn't drink or smoke and they thought I was a prude, crazy and used "Mormon" as an insult. Now many of those people are just trying to break free of addiction? Some are dead. Is this suppose to be karma? I don't know... The bad part of me thinks it is because even though I was self righteousness I was indeed making better choices for my physical health that others. I choose not to go to parties, I sacrificed "friends", "having fun" and "being a normal experimental teen"- in the name of being different and believing god told me I deserved to surround myself with positive influences. And because few others fit that category in High School, I was alone.

Would I go back and change how I lived... and "live more" like them? No, I wouldn't. I'm glad my choice of abstinence meant I wasn't going to be another teen age pregnancy. That life is so hard. I couldn't imagine now with the knowledge I have now, not having the choice to abort at my age then. As my family would not have given me that option, nor would I have been aware enough to have a procedure like that done timely. My family always used fear and told me they would kick me out if I got pregnant. Being so devoted to my faith I was against abortions anyways. I didn't even know what a real penis looked like until I was 17. Fucking hell I was sheltered.

My self righteousness gave me a sort of joy in that time of my life. My whole heart believed god loved me more because I choose to obey. No one directly told me that, I just came to that conclusion on my own based on the teachings of reward/discipline with obedience and heaven/hell. After all I was going to be going to a higher degree of heaven for living so honestly.... or was I? My family hated me and treated me as such. It's all I had, be good and escape my family. I know they wouldn't be going to heaven, they were terrible. So where could I go to stand out and be different? School. Be the brown noser of the century and be liked by adults most places I went. The judgments, snickers, gossip and torment I received, was probably only a small part of what I reflected back as a by product for being fed their negativity. All while knowing I was better than them for not succumbing to their behavior. It only made them hate me more. As their hate grew, I dug deeper into my religion to rebuild my self confidence. A vicious cycle began.

Fast forward 15 years, I don't keep in touch with those who bullied me in high school. Some have died, many have children, many still, like me- living in their home towns. Even though I'm aching to get out. I've grown tremendously, I am not better than other people for being able to with stand peer pressure. My life fucking sucks and I'd do well not to brag about what I do and don't have.

So straight edge.... its the hip cool new thing to do, yeah? I can't help but feel I was straight edge before it was cool. Maybe for the wrong reasons, but straight edge none the less. Indeed I was not cool for making healthy choices for my life. But if others were being immature and getting pregnant at 15, I can be self righteous and sober, yeah?

I wasn't cool than, and I'm not cool now. What's new? Hopefully you can be straight edge without being as big of an ass hole as me.