New Chairs

Today Sean taught me what the game "icky cookie" was.... Don't ask.

I also hung up on my psychiatrists on our video chat when he told me that my therapist discharged me from missing too many appointments (2) as a no call no show due to my brain fog from starting Lexapro this month.

I than immediately dumped the rest of my Lexapro down the toilet and flushed. Yey impulse decisions! But Lexapro is making me forgetful and miss my appointments, so no more Lexapro. Problem fixed!

I than texted my therapists personal phone number to confirm this was a permanent decision. While waiting for a reply I checked my voice mail for my last phone call reminder of appointments. Yesterday!?! (Wednesday) And it confirmed my therapy and my psychiatrist appointment. Things are sounding fishy....

I than called the front desk to confirm what the shrink told me. "Hi this is Kirsten, I just wanted to check when my next appointment with Daniel was?" And sure enough "It seems that he has discharged you and we can get you a new therapists, what time/days are good fro you?" I told them I wasn't in need of their services anymore and hung up.

Daniel than called me immediately to discuss what was going on and told me it wasn't his decision, but a miscommunication and that the shrink made that call. What. An. Idiot. So I freaked out for nothing?

Not really.

I've had roughly NINE (9!!) therapists in the past two and a half years, I really didn't want to start over again just because I'm struggling right now. If I didn't have Daniels private number I would have never knew what happen. All I wanted was to hear from Daniel himself that he made, what seemed like, a rash decision. But today *during* my psychiatrist appointment he asks me "if I found another therapist yet/how therapy was going?" I was totally confused, but told him therapy was going well, but had been foggy brained and missed a few appointments but see Daniel Monday per usual, why did I need need a new therapist?

It's a never ending battle to just keep what I have going for me. It frankly shouldn't be this hard, and starting medicine back up again might be a while since they are willing to punish me for things I feel are out of my control while trying new meds! Being timely is hard enough for the mentally ill. And than you want to cancle the progress I may be making and start over? Fuck you Doctor Maycadia! Fuck you and your thick ass accent I have to ask you to repeate things several times just to understand.

Side note: I do wonder how much of me having Daniel's personal contact information played into this. Did he actually discharge me and change his mind because he felt I was antagonizing him? While I would have been hurt had he told me personally that it was his decision for the discharge, he didn't. He even apologized and told me how frustrating working for medpyschmd online services can be. (Covid bullshit!) He seemed sincere, and equally confused at what was going on, but said he would take care of it and have someone be in touch with me to reschedule properly.

Moving on...

It was my dad's birthday on Thursday and I invited him over to my apartment for dinner. He offered to take Sean and I out for a house warming gift and he bought use dinner table chairs- since we didn't have any and he brought over three black folding chairs for us to use for dinner. (The dinner was BYOC- bring your own chair!) I felt off accepting a gift on my dad's birthday, but I have learned that our schedules aren't always a great match, and that it's okay to accept help and gifts from others who offer them.

So we got four really nice *new* chairs and a bench for our living room table! Covid prevents us from getting them from 4-12 weeks, but hey it's been two months already without any. haha Maybe we get them before Christmas?

November is the last month that we are paying double rent! Since September we have been paying $1,329/month total in rent! *sighs* ($665 each) $480 at his last 1bd/rm apartment and $849 here in our 3 bedroom! This will free up more money and we will have less stress financially. Sean and I are looking forward to this! This saved monthly money that will go into a savings and build more of a life that we both want here in our apartment. It may not seem like much but his mother as also agreed to pay off his car early and he will be in debt to his mother once he finishes his schooling. This less stress financially and working his crazy hours will help him focus on his schooling and not stress about money so much!

As for my blogging slowing down this month more than usual, yes I am aware. I may be the only one who notices actually, but again, something i blame on the Lexapro and just a funky month. I really hope I can get out of this brain fog, I haven't been feeling myself lately and it's been really hard on me!