No Good White Trash Hoe

The 2008 country song goes "Cheater Cheater where'd you meet that no good white trash hoe." *vomits in mouth a little* Apparently there was a time I enjoyed country music. That is not the case any longer. This is the first thing that pops in my head when I hear "cheater".

The second thing is all the men I have encountered trying to use me to cheat on their spouses. Online dating has seemingly made it too easy for people to be unfaithful. "But Kirsten I know you are poly, why is men in committed relationships going out with other women a bad thing?" Ummmmmm, because they are lying, hiding, and being unfaithful to their current relationship(s) boundaries and partners. This behavior isn't accepted anywhere, especially in the poly community. It just makes you look even more stupid really. Because in the poly community you have the freedom, opportunity and encouragement to date and see others, unless discussed otherwise for health and safety reasons, and you do it behind your partners' back? Rude. Seriously, why? But this problem is definitely a bigger problem for the monogamous.

I have been active on several dating apps (on and off for breaks) for roughly 3 years. Today's focus isn't about my poly life style, but actively dating the way the that I do I have run into several (married) monogamous men. When I find out about their partners I usually try and reach out and let their partner/spouse know, sending them screen shots what was happening. And while from the outsiders perspective it is laughable, these experiences are very hurtful to their partners who were unaware. I will have to say the overwhelming majority of these men (may be location based) are really fucking stupid. Who uses their Facebook account, with photos of their family and children with a profile bio linking your wife, as a way to reach out and and hit on someone? Then deny it later as a hacker? Here is a brief conversation with a woman who's man was asking me if we could hang out "but we don't have to call it date", sending me photos of himself in bed saying he was "home alone", and asking me about my sex life. I sent her our full conversation in screen shot form. These screen shots are from this past week but spoke to her husband just last month. It took her a few weeks to accept my friend request and read my messages I had sent,

This was the most recent and so I have a fresh memory of it. The wife hasn't reached back out to me... yet. She did however change all of her profile photos hat doesn't have him in them though. Bravo girl!

Our conversation as I parked at the mall to meet her. And after.

On another occasion where I was able to contact the girlfriend was from tinder May 2019. If you didn't know, Tinder is linked with Facebook, and when there was a tech problem on the cheating males end with messaging, he reached out on Facebook. I remember looking at his profile info and noticing it said "was in a relationship" but didn't have anyone tagged. So I went looking at his posts for anything he may have posted that a girl/boyfriend would like/comment. Photos, memes, love posts, and looking at their profile and available content as well.

And I found her. And sent her the screen shots. Long story short, they were dating and he was helping her with living expenses, I believe she may have been living with him? I don't recall, but we actually met up in person at our local (Valley Mall) mall and sat down at the tables across from Victoria Secrets where and I showed her all of his Tinder and Facebook messages. He was at work during all of this and claimed the same thing as the story above, "hacked account", "not real", "wasn't me" but than blocked me on his messenger. I showed her that too. She wanted to see them in person and talk to me. She blocked me on Facebook messenger even though she gave me her phone number so I could continue to talk to her. There wasn't much written documents of our encounters. In one message she wrote that he demanded her to block me to prove to him that she stopped talking to me, otherwise he would turn off her gas to her house.

I remember sitting there with her. She was cute and very young, I believe she was 19, and she was in distress. We had talked on and off the phone, multiple times, prior to meeting where she had been crying. She didn't know what to make of this. Clear domestic abuse going on here. Gas lighting and manipulation. Frankly if someone is going to create/hack a fake profile, why wouldn't they choose someone perhaps a little more physically attractive?

While writing this blog, to gather information I typed in "cheating" into my text message search bar and the times and dates popped up with this story to help me find the screen shots of this madness.

Aaaaaaand I just looked her up.... she is still dating him. It appears he is her biggest and only fan. He's the only one that comments on her posts that is. I wonder how much of her life he controls now a year later? :( I'll likely discretely send her the link for the domestic violence hotline, but he likely controls her social media now and possibly even has her pass words.

Our call log for that day. I never heard from her again.

These things are dramatic. Belittling. Humiliating. And I hate that with so much of this there is domestic abuse. These things are serious and if you are or know someone who is in a relationship like this, there is help. BOTH of these two people are locals to me. I'm still working with local services that help women get the help they need out of their abusers life from being raped last year. You can click here for more info. Cheating is disgusting but some of the things I have stumbled upon goes beyond lying and unfaithfulness. I have countless other examples of catching people rather quickly in their lies. . . Here's another quick one.

Try not to vomit! He messaged me with an empty profile on Plenty of Fish (POF) claiming he knew me and wanted to chat again. He gave me his name and I number and it sounded familiar but his profile didn't have a photo. His first text message was a photo of himself and I instantly remembered him. What a piece of trash!

If you have been cheated on don't blame the other person like the song I started out with "where did you meet that no good white trash hoe?". Blame your partner. They are the cheater whether or not the other person knew about you or not. You partner is the problem, and likely a problem that can't be fixed. Accepting that truth hurts. Knowing you are in a committed relationship and have kids with someone who could do that, SUCKS. I've never been cheated on. I have been the other girl dozens on times. The shock, the anger, and hurt I see these other women go through is nasty. There is victim blaming that happens in these circumstances. These women even blame themselves, and they just never knew.

But heart to heart though, your man isn't very intelligent if he ended up here on this blog. I guess sometimes you can't help but fall in love with stupid. Now that you know and have the opportunity to better yourself and rid yourself from this- this is your chance to do better and start over. Sadly, too many women just stay and not get counseling which often just enables them and perpetuates the cheating. Super nasty people are out there. Are you/were you married to one? Did you escape? Feel free to discuss in the comments!

*crickets*