Positively Dead-lightful

Admittedly, I've never had anyone important or close to me die. I'm 26 and apart from great grandparents, all three sets of grand parents are still alive. A cousin died of suicide two years ago, but again, I wasn't close. They say not to speak ill of the dead- but I never liked him. He was rude, crude and intentionally picked on me the few times Idaho family came to town. So no, I don't care he died. The emotion I associate with the most to his death is jealously of his successful suicide. That and annoyance.

I have been to funerals, though. All of them while I was a child. As an empath, it's overwhelming and gross. So much sadness just seeps into me that isn't mine. My mother had a family friend hair client die, I'm struggling to remember her name. She was in our house one week and gone the next. I did cry at that funeral. It was open casket, and that was the second time I saw a dead person. Next to my Great Grandmother at nine. I don't recall her funeral much, though.

Caitlin Doughty

A quick Google search told me that death positivity "was a movement popularized by Caitlin Doughty as a play on the term sex positivity. The death-positive movement is a social and philosophical movement that encourages people to speak openly about death, dying, and corpses."

Things like end of life planning, death dula's, paperwork with attorneys, assisted suicides, and other end of life precautions are being thought about more often with this new generation of thinkers. This sounded right up my alley. While my suicidal feelings and actions are very different than this movement as a whole, it does pique interest for people like me. How can I feel more at peace? What precautions can I take to ease burden off those I love to assure everything is in order when I do inevitably take my life? (Yeah, you ass wipes, when my brain is a bit more sound, I do care to think how my suicide would affect others, but it isn't going to stop me from doing it. It typically only encourages it, and makes me angry by reminding me I haven't completed it yet.)

Caitlin is also a YouTube artist and I follow her channel; it's called Ask a Mortician. And despite being a fan, until this moment while typing this, I didn't realize that my Google search earlier and this YouTube channel are the same person! (I hadn't known her last name) She educates the world on taboo topics from her insight and life working as a funeral director! She has written books, traveled for different educational videos and her humor makes me smile. The below video is her most recent one and inspired me to write this blog. It caught my eye because I have trans friends and family and I wanted to know how funerals and death procedures were different for them. NEW FLASH- it can be very different with vain, manipulative with hurtful next-of-kin. Even though you may think this video is geared toward a specific audience, Caitlin teaches you many things you should be thinking and planning for yourself now. Especially if you have specific wishes about how your body is to be treated before death, if you are unable to make choices for yourself, and after death where you body is going to be and how it ends up. Otherwise those decisions goes to "next of kin". I don't know about you, but my family sucks.

So what did you think of the video? You didn't watch it? Watch it now. I'll wait....

Seriously, watch it, it's informational. Ooooooookay. I'm sure you learned some super neat things. I hope her mannerisms also bring you the same comfort and peace as they do me as she talks about dying in a sincere and respectful way! She walks you through the steps that are important to take before you die if you want to have the most control over your body when you have passed. I'll recap them here for you because you may have been too busy or lazy to watch her video.

#1 Know what you want (style of body preparation after death)

#2 Know who you want (to be legally in charge of your body)

#3 Ask and explain what you want to your trusted people

#4 Get it in writting (most important)

#5 Share those documents (with every medical provider you have!)

• You have a copy and your trusted people have a copy

• All doctors and medical professionals should have a copy

• If you end up in the hospital the hospital should have a copy

• Original should be in a super safe place that everyone knows.

• Put a small card in your wallet with your health care agents contact info.

Legal paperwork and steps aside, what I do best is talking. Talking about the emotional side of life, or in this case- death. Death is something many fear, but if you are still here reading this, either I've peaked your interest, you love me and are an avid reader of my blog, you volunteered to be my editor and so you're stuck-ha, or you're bored at home from the coronasvirus shut down.

One of the things Caitlin talked about that also piqued my interest was a death dula. You can view that video here. This practice is typically to prepare you to think about how they would like their last days to go before they die. And for those dying of "natural causes"... whatever that means anyways..... Basically, not suicides.

But how lovely would that be to have someone to love and care for you and your body as you die, instead of waiting on a machine you are hooked up to start beeping crazy to alert others attention? It doesn't have to be in a hospital bed, either. You can be with loved ones or in your own home, outside in the grass, whereever. That's what dulas provide. This person is 100% on your side, it's your choice. Not a medical professional... Part three in the video I tagged in this paragraph talks about "comfort and care during you death", which I found absolutely beautiful. While Alua, the person Caitlin is interviewing in the video, sounds "hippy dippy", she is a lawyer. She doesn't typically share that info in her line of work. The care of her clients are more important than her education status. And that is a big heart!

Now, I'd liked to take the views and focus of this blog and turn the dial a little more morbid. I live in a capitalist nation. Loving services become cut throat businesses. Big Pharma price gouging sick people. Medical procedures mean life long debt. Things no one wants to do, become careers we shame people for; plumbers, construction workers and even morticians. What is wrong with capitalizing on death for those still alive for the sake of those who would love and use these services? Could you imagine the yelp reviews? I mean from a business stand point, I understand there is little residual income. No returning customers if you will. . . As an advocate for the mental health community it may seem I go against every notion to encourage assisted suicide, but I'm not just an advocate. I'm not just an ally. I'm someone with mental illness who is struggling too. And all of it is hard. Are my view points a part of my personality? Or are they a symptom of my mental illness? Either way these thoughts are present more than they are dormant and they get a say in my life. Majority rules.

I recognize Big Pharma is a problem, and demeaning employment isn't okay. Legalizing suicide clinics aren't the solution to those problems, and I'm not saying it is. They were questions to spark your mind about health CARE and death CARE.

Could you imagine a world without lonely suicide, but a comforting one? A world that lovingly accepts that life is hard, tells you they understand your pain, and offers you the least painful way to do the thing you feel is best for you, which is dying? I understand we have mental health teams that have success with treatment and medicine. I'm not talking about those patients, even if some of those would be considered a "causality". Your life is your choice. I'm talking about people like me. Those who feel trapped and unhappy in their flesh suit, those who have tried to help themselves with today's current systems. Why can't there be a building/service that provides your last meal, party planning, a clean comfortable environment to give friends and family chances to say farewell and kiss this earth life and their loved one, one last goodbye? I know many people who say they wish they had one more moment to with them, and they wish they knew when they were going to go. You can go confidently to your ending your pain, in a planned and respectful way. I understand this is a question of ethics and this is why the topic is difficult, painful..... Some black mirror shit, huh? But I've been dreaming about these things for years.

I'm not saying it should be easier to kill people. What kind of a world would it be if something like this was in place? How would we know if anyone influenced their decision? Would this cause a mass suicide epidemic?

Would one bad day mean anyone could walk in the suicide box from Episode 1 in Futurama, insert a quarter and be done?

Would our ability to learn coping skills for our life decease with such an option? Would a clinic like this just be price gouged and super expensive like the rest of US healthcare? I understand these very valid questions. And it's hard. It's the reason many people will continue killing themselves in loneliness and pain. Because telling someone or asking for help might keep them alive, prolonging their torture.

Indeed suicide is lonely. This doesn't end suicide, but it would help it be less lonely. I know one person who would take advantage of this if it existed. Me.

In the world of what if's.... what is on your list? Leave thoughts and comments below!

Special thanks to my editor MC_hammer