Proof

When you are accused of "only posting the sections of the conversations that make you look good." I gotta say you called that bluff fairly poorly on this one, Meghan. This blog is going to be long, but it was requested, attached with all my receipts.

June 8, 2020 No matter her beef with me, her children's safety is more important.

I Kirsten Danielle Rhodes, DOB:5/14/1993, resides in Hagerstown Maryland, have one biological sister, Meghan Elise Clever, who struggles with anger and mental illnesses. As do I. Most of our family does, actually. My symptoms were diagnosed earlier than my families, but I now know it's a combination of environmental toxic upbringing/tradition and genetics our blood line has yet to overcome.

My anger is often focused on hurting myself in the form of suicide/self harm. Mental illnesses symptoms can present themselves in many different ways. Some choose to self harm, others choose to physically harm others. (my sister) But the screaming and poor temper aren't new things for her. As for comparison of our mental illnesses, I only know what little she has chosen to disclose to me and the things I have observed.

Show of Character. Comments made about a Mary Kay customer of mine after she put on her own make up.

Our symptoms can change, evolve, get worse, get better, and sometimes ever disappear. Typically they get better or disappear with professional help only and not by mere coincidence. My family members over the years have denied having mental health concerns, lied about having any/taking psychiatric medicine in the past for it (my dad), put down others who struggle, and even simply fully deny mental illness exists. (also my dad).

It wasn't until after my sister had her second child that she nonchalantly told me while sitting on the couch at my dad's that "she finally understands what it is like to want to get rid of yourself." (she was referring to thoughts of suicide) Instantly I am drawn back to her past conversations with me about my mental illness saying that "she could never think that, much less do that" and "it's much too selfish" and "how could you do that to people you love?" And over all how much of a bad person it made me for having these thoughts or actions. When she continued about how she gets so frustrated that she would imagine walking in front of a bus, how her family would be better without her, how she struggled with making connections to her children, and yes, seemingly joking about throwing them out the window, she started seeing a psychiatrist, started an anti depressant and group therapy. I thought to myself "good, you deserve to know that pain." and "I knew our family genetics would catch up to you." Post partum depression is a bitch. A bitch I will never know anything about though. No kids for me!

And just like those who can't understand my depression and emotional struggles, I can't understand what it is like to be healthy. Except, those words were often coming from family members in denial about their unhealthy struggles. Meghan's got worse and more symptoms presented at a different time in life. Never mind how terrible attempting to guilt trip someone to stop being suicidal to prevent someone else's sadness is. Even mental health professionals actually KNOW neither of her above statements actually bring healing or help someone from being suicidal. Guilt tripping someone that they have to stay alive so you don't feel sadness and pain that you are gone.... is vile. And the best mental health facilities do not use this dangerous technique. But rest assured, my relatives do.

None the less I did give her credit that I had seen progress in her mood. We even bonded over our past through some of my blog, more on that later.

So today, during this open dialogue, keep the above information that both parties have mental and emotional struggles in the back of your mind. Probably won't be too difficult!

From birth, my sister and I have never gotten along. I have no clue if she has ever portrayed us as ever being friends, but if she has, I can never remember being friends or close. Family members who have observed our relationship would say the same. Not that their words have much weight though. From teen age life of her coming home one day handing me a piece of paper of her friends who signed her petition of who they thought was "prettier" and "smarter" (Meghan or I), of course they all signed Meghan to us sharing a room our entire lives and her having phone sex in he same bedroom just three feet from, than lying about it in the morning that landed me grounded and being smacked in the face from my mother... to the past nine months that she was my blog editor here. We were never friends.

A Brief exchange when she sent me the edits to one of my blogs.

Rest assured she was given a proper heads up on the things I write about, that I would not be censored; she was even spoken about poorly in my blog before she volunteered to "help", and yet she was so shocked about her and her family being a topic of some of my most recently blogs.

To recap I wrote a blog, a few weeks ago, about my most recent experiences while my sister was in town. It wasn't pleasant, but it wasn't that unusual of a visit. Sleepless nights, irregular sleeping/eating/playing schedules, (1-7 year olds staying up past midnight) my dad being grumpy all the time, and abusive actions and words towards their children. . . are all normal things when they come in town. I found out quickly that my blog post was shared via Facebook.

Number of views lining up with the dates. (they do not count multiple views by the same person with site visits)

I know this because my site has a "report and analysis" chart telling me how people come to my site, where they live (what city), how many people visit, what posts they are viewing, how many posts they viewed during their stay, and even what devise they used when viewing my site. I can even interact with them via live messaging when someone is browsing. Since I hadn't posted the link to that blog to *my* Facebook, but was receiving "views via Facebook" for the blog post named "Children Are Exhausting", I had someone check Meghan's feed. (she has been block since our last Facebook disagreement on September 20, 2016, otherwise I would have done it myself. Full and complete screen shots of that conversation are farther down)

This post was her response to the blog. Posted on June 8, 2020. She was hurt and angry. Rightfully so, my accusations were very serious about child abuse, it would put anyone on the defense, but mostly just the guilty. She told me she has had Child Protective Services come to her home more than once already. Here are the screen shots I have of her post.

There are some hurtful things in her post as well, "can't wait for the day" that I (Kirsten) kill myself, and "the relief will be tangible." I mean I already knew all of these things, it's just bitter sweet when you catch them saying it. She defends her position and offers insight to her side of the story, which it is her right to do. Including, in the comments, more threats of physical violence that sounded almost identical to some of her past threats to me in years previous, over me posting a photo of her son on my Facebook.

At any given time I have roughly 15- 30 drafted blogs sitting in my blog. I had a few I was working on but decided it was probably in my best interest to post the second blog post titled 5157345 that same evening (night of June 8th) which held some, not all, previous screen shots from family members and it talked about real friendship, trust and love vs toxic relationships. I also shared this post/photos with my social medias. However after sharing, Meghan claimed I only posted the parts of the conversations that "make me look good." I think some of the things I with held actually was in her benefit, but I'll let you be the judge of that. . .

Meghan's fake account

But before those screen shots, I'd like to mention that my sister made a fake profile, calling herself "Poppy", and subscribing to my blog to make comments and personal messaged me there.... I guess she didn't know how intuitive the features on my website were for location, or how easy it is to see her similar language/typing patterns. In addition, a few of my Facebook friends reached out and told me that my sister personally messaged them, by name, because they reacted to my blog post. I did not know about it until days later though. Most said they ignored it. I don't know how many other people she may have messaged with the copy and pasted message. But it happen on Wednesday June 10th. One lady, really didn't like it though. . . lol

6/11/2020

Now onto the old screen shots. . .

No mention of abortion here either?

Between these two screen shots there is a small missing conversation about seating arrangements/what was said at breakfast when my brother was on leave, in town and we went out to eat with our grandparents. Nothing useful was said there from my memory, and if I could find the missing screen shot I would have added it here. Regardless, this conversation clearly wasn't about Haidyn, or "aborting her", nor any mention of "she'd be happier with Jesus" or anything else she claimed these screen shots were about. They were about me refusing to removing a photo of my nephew.

Can't lie your way out of these screen shots!

Oh yeah, Rage. 6/7/20

Now for the other, incredibly long nonsensical Facebook rant she also claimed was in response to "aborting her first born" or "seeing blood run in the streets"? These are the second oldest screen shots on this blog today from September 20th, 2016, (four days after the ones at the top) but sound almost identical to her June 8th Facebook post.

Yes, some of these screen shots are "old". But it is because I don't have a relationship with my sister. These are literally our only conversations over the past 5 years of our lives, minus minor conversation with discussing my edits the past 10 months and short, in-person small chat when they visit. Of course what happens behind closed doors is even more telling than these screen shots, but I can't prove those things. These screen shots are the only thing that prove the quality and quantity of my sister and I's relationship. And you'd be wrong to think that in person wasn't worse...

So now we'll take a step back and I'll share some of our conversations during her editing my blogs. One of them is recorded in my blog Might Get Sued. She originally asked that her identity as my editor stay anonymous, but I wanted to give her credit. I chose MC_hammer. (MC for Meghan Clever) I believe that was from her own conscious of not wanting to be associated "working with me" and looking down on what I do though. I can only assume she was editing to be a nosey fuck. She didn't have to waste all that time though, website is public. . . She's right though I didn't agree with all her edits, and yes, of course, still have some grammar errors. This site was never meant to be crazy professional. It's readable, which is more than I can say for my hand written journal entries.

To save you time I am also grouping any conversations that seemed important or pivotal to understand our relationship. If you are even still reading at this point and even care. Read it if you want to. There really isn't much.

And folks that's it.

Given how she reacted to my blog about her abusing her children, I can say her anger is still very much present tense, and very much a problem. I certainly have my own issues and mistakes I am working on. There were weak claims of me being perfect and blameless while pointing out others flaws. . . Certainly she forgot about the rest of my blog that she read and helped edit, which is full with my fucked up life, thoughts and actions. Things from encouraging suicide, being racist and homophobic, emotionally abusing my boyfriend (All those blogs hyperlinked and more!) You don't have to be perfect to call out others or try and protect children. I think she just can't stand that I'm literally so open about so much of my life with absolutely nothing to loose, since I barely value my own life. I understand the gesture of leaving things in the past, the principle of forgiveness is important. But when you haven't grown much from their past mistakes perhaps its wise to keep an even farther distance. I know there are things I haven't grown from yet, including some of the just mentioned and linked posts above. I totally admit fault. But again, I don't beat children.

All of this over the safety for my sisters kids. To explain to you why I feel they are in danger, is to explain to you how she has interacted with me. And that's my fucking proof. Peace.