To Do- Life Update

I"m a chronic list maker. To-do's, to buy, to organize, "things I want", all the men I've kissed and had sex with, journal entries, potential blogs, night mares, song lyrics....I write everything down. One of my therapists mentioned this is due to high anxiety and constant worry.

Worry I'll forget, worry what will happen when I do forget. Worry if I don't keep proof someone won't believe me. This started in my teens.... While it is a coping skill and high functioning adults use note keeping to keep organized, I'd say I've out done myself.

I've been using the "Notes" free downloadable app for over 8 years, until it started giving my phone pop up ads and potential viruses.... So I started using the Samsung notes that came with my phone roughly 6 months ago.... and in six months I now have over 800 "Notes".

My entire life is written down. And when I come to my blog it is a more lengthy version of the list taking that I do. A place to complete thoughts, publish it, add photos, inspire others, and basically scrape book my life digitally.

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Many who come to my home have commented on how I enjoy keeping a home clean. Most don't look at my bedroom and sleeping situation which is often cluttered and disorganized. That is not how I want it to be,I want to be organized in every part of my life- but everything else usually takes priority and I just stopped caring about my personal bed room.

I am finally moving out of my dad's house and am temporarily moving in with Sean. As a twenty-seven year old woman, I would have sworn by now I'd own more things. But between clothing, a few shoes, and a Mary Kay inventory, there isn't much I own to my name.

Moving into Sean's will feel weird for the next few months until we move into our own 2-bedroom apartment with more space around September when his lease here is up. He currently already has 3 other adult room mates, an infant, a dog and cat in about 1.1K sq/ft apartment. (laundry/utility room included) Space is limited. . . Good thing most of my collecting/hoarding is technology based in the notes section of my phone. LOL

Most of you who are reading my blog and realize that I am moving in with my best friend and ex boyfriend probably find this odd. Sean and I didn't have an ugly break up; pretty much none of my ex's and I have had ugly break ups. That doesn't mean you move in with them. haha But I do have intentions of returning to the relationship and we planned to move in together by November 2019 at the latest anyways. He resigned a lease without thinking of potentially living together last year when our relationship was rather new- we are both bummed about it now. But just because a romantic relationship wasn't working out, doesn't mean that person needs kicked from your life, burn everything and forget about them. Sean has been an important part of my life for the past (almost) year, and I don't have any intentions of getting rid of him.

Sean has had to do some major cluttering to make space for me and my things. We share a closet space and I try to hang most of my belongings. We hung his birthday gift I made him, again, it keeps falling, this time with several more sticky strips to keep it in place! It's a lower body paint, of my booty, print on a large canvas! It took several weeks planning and two people to create! Go me! I like it.

The past few weeks feel weird as things start opening back up from Covid. I have been visiting friends, I have a hair appointment tomorrow- I have some killer roots- and I'm just working on me. Self care. Self love.

I've been trying to take it day by day, and when that is hard, hour by hour, or minute by minute. The hard days will continue to come and go but the past couple have been a bit more easy flowing. I think finally living with my best friend and someone who loves and cares for me might make a huge difference in my life. Time will tell. I fight daily mental health triggers and fatigue that require constant attention, coping, distraction and focus. Being with someone who not only respects and understands, but truly wants to be here through my struggles and help me through without putting me down is what my therapists, mentors and mental health team have said that I have needed my entire life. And it's here.

Indeed, prior to living with my dad I was homeless for three years, and before that, I've always lived with other blood relatives or people from my local church. This is a pivotal mark of progress. Something needed but I feel like I've self sabotaged and seemingly fought against for years. There isn't any looking back because the last incredibly long chapter isn't meant to be re-lived. Here is to new to-do's.

Ocean City in July!

New Apartment in September!

And all the several health care appointments, smiles, dinner dates with friends, live music, tasty food, impromptu travels and personal goal setting/achieving yet to come! These things may be not be show stopping, jaw dropping things, but they are things I look forward to. They are my daily life. Things that make me happy and bring me joy, on the rare occasions my body lets me enjoy these events without canceling everything to stay in bed. I'm happy to be getting out of bed more lately. Here is to more of that! Cheers!