Update

I've notice with my the use of my blog that I go through phases that I do not write and publish as much. Sometimes in fear of having incomplete thoughts, sometimes not having the energy to dump into being happy enough with it enough to push publish and others by the time I finish it doesn't feel relevant or important so things just sit in my drafts. Other times I feels like all I do is write, and like the inspiration for the blog before this one, Over Share. That is how the best art is created. It's not really a consistent field. Much of the world craves and runs on predictability, high performance and constant hard work. That's not how my public online journal is. It is not predictable, high performance or consistent. But like some of my other life-update-blogs, this one is just going to bounce all over the place.

To begin, I've been working on my home and making it a safe happy place I like and want it to be. Decorating and doing things for me. I got some really nice home-things from Xmas from Sean and his family. My bedroom has been my main focus of upgrading!

Before

After

The in between stage

Before

After

I got a new bed frame, comforter, shelf, succulents, art and re-arranged my room a little. With my mattress finally off the floor and on a bed frame with drawers for great storage, it looks much more like a bed room.

We also, finally got a couch! If you don't know the burden that has been to get a nice couch up to this 2nd story apartment.... ugh, our first couch we bought we had to return. It was wedged over the balcony just hanging there by itself because there wasn't a way to get it in. It was too wide and too tall. Not to mention it was in the 90's, humid and we wasted money on a Uhaul truck. Sooooo when we returned the head board of my Christmas present bed-frame-set that I decided I didn't want, back to IKEA, we stumbled upon this $299 simple couch. It was no where near our luxury-plush-every-piece-a-section(al) we had planned on saving up for, but this one was cheap, new (unused), compact, and could fit us both AND the cats comfortably so we could finally cuddle and watch TV.

Grandma curtains! lol (yes they really are my grandmothers curtains!)

Stuck. And Hating our life choices.

We were using the "dinning room", next to the kitchen as a living room at first with these two chairs. We moved our living room to the spare room/office-sided bedroom

A little messy, but the spare room is now our living room! :)

And here are the simple before and afters of the bathroom!

There isn't a huge difference but it's getting more cozy, has more storage/function now! :) I'd show you before and afters of the main/dinner room but it honestly isn't finished yet! So many boxes, clutter and we have to decide what to do with a few pieces of furniture. (Chase lounge chair, papasan chair, futon, etc). We also want to hang the big TV in the spare room/living room on the wall, as well as have the rest of the game stations and wires hanging on a shelf, keeping the floor space open. And we'd like to move the wood furniture it's currently on into the living room under the clock as an alcohol bar of sorts.

In other words, it's almost been 6 months and we are no where near finished with furnishing, organizing and decorating our home. These things take time, money, energy. And both come in strides!

While we are on the topic our home... we want to have a home on wheels! Sean told me on our way home from IKEA (1.5 hour drive!) of something he has been thinking about for a while and put his thoughts into motion! We want to basically create our own RV and travel a bunch. Potentially, depending on how it goes, live in it long term. This is a 3-6 year goal with money and a full decision, but I find living frugally and minimally nice, and it's a life style where Sean doesn't have to work himself long hours at a factory and have more freedom and flexibility with his life. At least that is the goal. He is considering photography and other forms of entrepreneur-ism. There are lots of unanswered questions from health care, to sustainability, to mental health- but we are planning, researching and money saving with his new excitement and if it can motivate him to save his money, better than ever before, it doesn't matter what does that for him- I can support that.

However, I am fond of our (small) 3 bedroom apartment. After all, I spent three years homeless from the ages of 18-21. Essentially living out of a suitcase. The longest time I stayed anywhere was 10 months, the rest were under 3 weeks- some times just days at a time. Sacrificing the stability I now have, for a home on wheels is a bit scary of a thought. Besides, I like having privacy, space and AC. But it does cost more to have more space like that with a lease agreement. So depending on what we are able to do and how much we like it- in the next two years while Sean keeps his current employment and we stay at our current residence and travel for short periods of times with our vacation time- we may consider it for full time! :)

Cuddle time with cats and Sean.

Hmm what else is new?

I tried a new supplement for my mental Health. 5-HTP. Unsurprisingly, it wasn't beneficial. It was harmful. It is akin to St.Johns Wart, so much so it was located right beside it at Walmart. It is a serotonin/mood supporter. The suggested dosage is 2 pills a day. I started with 1x daily, even though suggested was 2 pills daily. But it made me incredibly anxious. So, noope!

Just this week my period started a few days late, which is unusal. I'm sterile so I wasn't worried about pregnancy, but it came with other pain, clotting and spotting, and my period was so heavy I thought I had another ovarian cyst rupture. I went to my OBGYN, and they were just trying to treat the pain at first and scheduled a pelvic exam for the following week. I was in too much pain though so I went to the ER for a pelvic exam to see what was wrong. They also gave me a shot of morphine. Of course I cried and freaked out because I hate needles bu I will never do that again, because the automatic nausea and dry heaving all night was a terrible side affect of morphine. How do people like using that?! It did decrease my pain and allow for a less painful internal ultrasound.

But they did find out that I have uterine fibriods. I'll update the treatment/ plan of action after my next appointment Friday!

Last but not least new with my medical update- I meet my new therapist over the phone this Tuesday. I wasn't bonding with my last therapist like I wanted to and she didn't offer EMDR therapy anyways. *sighs* NEXT! It took several phone calls, emails and questions answered to find her! She is in westminster, 45 mins away. Let's hope she is worth it! Here are some screen shots of one of the people I reached out too that didn't work out. lol

Check your schedule before you reply JoAnn.

She has no fucks to give.

Also, little man has no more balls! He hates the cone. hahaha

Until next time!

"Mom. help!"