Backwards
- ForgetMeNaught
- Nov 4, 2020
- 7 min read
My faith transition out of the Mormon Cult was not traditional. At least according to the majority of the Exmormon groups that I joined to help my healing and find like-minded community. When you leave a cult, you experience a loss of community because of how isolating it was with no ones support. (of course they don't want you to leave!) And now that you openly left, so do "your friends". Leave you that is. Block you, unfriend you, don't answer calls, ghost you.... And that isn't even the worse part for some ex mormons. Many of them are family members/parents/grandparents.... As exmormon's we need to fill that void of emptiness with someone who understands you; at root, a human instinct, but it is partnered with INTENSE brainwashing and trauma bonds. Many of us choose other exmormons. And seeing how most people left the Mormon cult because of finding flaw in the church doctrine and learning the truth about it's History, instead of the bullshit that "we were offended"... The Mormon cult was built on lies and gas-lighting. Even many active members agree to this, they are called apologist. Who "love the gospel not the people in it."
I had many non-Mormon people that I loved hurt my feelings growing up too. Now I'm that blasphemous meme sharer and creator. But when I was an active member and some of the people I loved deary called my religion a "cult", I was hurt. I know that pain, it's cognitive dissonance. And honestly that pain is not even the tip of the iceberg of what a faith crisis is. So, with that being said I doubt any members will read this or will tolerate to read it- especially with that cover photo of me wearing nothing but the the Mormon Temple fig leave! HAHA (see full get up below in the next photo!) No I'm not Tinkerbell.
What particularly bothered me when other people tried to tell me what was wrong in my church was that they had no idea what they were talking about. And as much as I revered many of them for their higher education, and love and support as my friend dispite believing I was a cultist - they weren't able to sight me credible links and told me to took for it myself. *sighs* I so wish someone sent me the CES Letter....
Thinking back, I probably would have left the church earlier had someone provided me what these Exmormon groups were able to. Mainly the CES letter. (and fine-ass, Jimmy Snow) First hand experience, knowledge and love towards learning and understanding. In addition to credible links that existed on the the church website itself. There are many atheists in these groups and for rightful reasons. Once you leave a cult, it's best not to join any others. lol Don't repeat the same mistaken, ya dig? But some peoples hearts and lives hurt so much to get rid of everything all at once, they do adopt other forms of Christianity! I find it's roughly 50/50 in most ex-mo groups. Atheist/religious.
So my exit route wasn't traditional. I didn't find the truth of church history or what happens inside the temple(s) (beyond baptisms) until AFTER I left. Some question that these things even exist. I was told that if someone got into the temple and video tapped what happend, god would strike him dead. LOL Nah he is still alive and kicking and those two hour videos are pretty boring (but creepy) AS FUCK. Click here to watch one of many New Name Noah, aka Mike Norton, has! As I said, fellow Mormon's believe the reason I left was because I was merely "offended". A friend of mine just thought I moved ward boundaries when my name disappeared on the ward directory. Which neither were the case for me.
This was a conversation between my aunt and I last year discussing how many times my grandfather (her dad) went to the temple. I speculated only once, because back then there was some even weirder shit in the temple! i.e. blood oaths where you pantomime you slitting your throat/stomach/pull out your heart, while promise to not share what you learned in the temple but "rather than do so, I would suffer my life to be taken." I'll attach the original audio recording with a newer video from inside the temple here. But my faith wasn't "shaken", I don't believe in faith based religions anymore. At all. My "faith" no longer exists. So it wasn't "shaken up". It was removed. Christianity is faith based religion. And Mormonism is built upon confirmation bias and emotions. I'm agnostic atheist, we don't use faith for the bases of our beliefs.
But being offended wasn't the only thing I experienced when I joined these ex-mormon groups though. I got angry from finding out the truth because I was lied to. Things weren't just hidden, things were straight up falsified.
When I was in middle/high school and South Park episode on Mormons came out in 2003, people asked me if it was the truth. I never watched the episode until I was no longer Mormon- because it wasn't a tv show we watched in our family and it was "anti-mormon material", so I told them, based on most of their questions, most of it was farce. Since then church has come forth and admitted Joseph Smith did use "peeping stones inside of a top hat". Something I proudly told my peers did not happen and that I knew for a fact he didn't. I said this because all my life and through deep doctrine studies in seminary, aka one hour classes every day before school X4 years, it was NEVER mentioned. (how naive) Now the church says they DID in fact teach this all along; gas lighting everyone who experienced anything differently. And told members who "never learned it" it was their fault for not finding out "the simple truths of the gospel" until now. These Mormon's were left with two choices- leave.... or accept the lie as truth and go about their religion.
All I gotta say is South Park really woke the world up and forced the Mormons out of hiding. The internet that allows things mad readily public has made memberships number dwindle!! "The Church" has since made a new Joseph Smith movie, actually showing him using a top hat, where as the previous movie/photos/media only showed the gold plates and him praying over them, sitting in a room on a table with a sheet between his scribe, Oliver Cowdry.
Here is that first video I found on Youtube (2011) Minutes 17:00-21:00
To what actually happen....
Minute 19:00-24:50
Of course this is just one example of the lies. A pretty important one, but most apologists just say "it shouldn't matter how it was translated." At cult level, I'm inclined to agree, because I did. But why did the "general authorities", aka TOP leaders, feel that we shouldn't be allow to know the correct way all along? Is this some kind of modern re-living of the 1976 racist thing that "Blacks and the world weren't ready for the POC to have the priesthood" thing? (something vile I use to regurgitate) But like... "if we told you how Joe really did it from teh start, no one would join our cult." LOL Can something still be 'truth' or 'correct' if it came about unethically? (I mean, technically yeah. but not in this case folks!) Was it possible had people known the *truth* about Joseph Smith they wouldn't have followed along with the nonsense anyways? Yeah... Just like they changed the temple oaths. Words/tokens/hsecret hand shakes when they were loosing tithing and membership. This is also similar to how no one really knows what goes on in the temples until they go. (unless you knew my friend Mike Norton, I mentioned above.) It's proven that Joseph Smith stole the rituals from the free massons that he had joined about 7 weeks prior to making these "temple ordinances". But I will let you do your own research the CES Letter is really the best options for all Mormon Doubts. Most people who read my blogs aren't mormon anyways....
My non mormons readers. I'd love your input on this madness.... how much did you know about all the mormon craziness and me being a member who believed whole heartidly this shit for SO LONG!
Side note: I wonder if I ask non active members, like my parents, to teach me how The Book of Mormon was translated that they will tell me the same things I was taught? Or if they even remember what was taught to them? I wonder if they will deny the historically accurate facts about Jospeh Smith using rocks in a hat because I know they never learned that. And wonder what they think about Joe Shmo's and his top hat? Was it snazzy enough?
So yeah, I removed my membership before finding out all of these things. Crazy huh? Believing that I could totally change my mind in a few years and return if I wanted to. *insert hysterical laughing and crying* Not a chance now man. How the heck is my family still in?! I know they think Satan has me, I'm a sinner that doesn't care, and all the other heinous annoying religious filth. But you can read more about my faith crisis and transition in this section of my blog called Dogma.
I also left most of my family behind before leaving the church. That's more from abuse and trauma growing up than religion, even though religion played a large roll why we kids were traumatized. I basically gave them the big heave-ho before they could do it to me, or treat me even more poorly for leaving. I kicked my mom out of my life months before removing my membership! The conversation above between my aunt and I was one of the last conversations I had with her, actually.
I have no idea what she meant by "don't take this the wrong way but... leave her family out of it..." and "I love you and my family."
Bitch, I am your fucking family. lol Or I THOUGHT I was. I know family isn't based on blood of course. I'm sure the disappointment she has knowing I am her niece, is similar to the disappointment I now hold for her being my aunt. We'd have to discuss and compare notes though to be certain.
So if you read this entirely and have been following my faith transition, leave a rate of how bad of how culty Mormon's are on a scale of 1 to 10. One being "harmless-little-flies- on- the- wall" and 10 being "OH FUCK NO! That shit's wack!" Leave number your comments below!
Xoxo,
Your Feisty Tinkerbell!
So glad you loved it, I appreciate the support! Feel free to browse the rest of my blog. It's my online public creative writing journal! 💙
Love this!
And Mormonism is definitely a 10!