Enough

At some point in our lives we all wonder about "enough."

Enough money, enough time, enough friends, enough space, enough education, enough weight gained/loss.

When will enough be enough?

I follow this really inspirational woman on social media. She is a vocal performer and coach, her most recent post starts off "Can we get really honest for a minute? The phrase "We all have the same 24 hours in a day" really bugs me! "

She continues "Because we don't all have the same capacity, even if we have the same amount of time. Some are dealing with chronic pain or illness. Some are dealing with transitions in life, like divorce, having kids graduating school, moving into new homes, or job changes. Some have intense grief from losing loved ones. Some are in toxic or abusive environments. Some are adjusting to massive changes in their households, in their children's education, or financial situations."

And she finishes with "...please remember that everyone's capacity is different. Yes, we have the same hours, but our abilities are different! Compassionate contribution is inspiring!"

I left out where she was using the comparisons from a musical perspective because that isn't how I wanted to use her words today. Her words really stood out to me. We each have different values we contribute. During this apartment move I realized more about Sean and I's relationship, and what we both offer each other. I actually think we could appreciate each other more as this move was very difficult for us emotionally and physically. The weather has been unbearably and miserably hot. We have a second floor apartment, and when the really nice couch we spent hours shopping for and bought, didn't fit up the stair-well to our apartment after trying for over an hour we had to return it.... And that was Sean's last straw.

Bodies achey and tired we returned it and I steeled on a nice swivel chair! We then ate at Buffalo wild wings!

His Big-ass TV!

So what kinds of talents do I have? I can cook. I'm not excellent, but I'm quite well rounded and that alone saves (and will continue to save) Sean and I money. While I am on disability I often feel like I am not contributing as much as him to our household. This isn't the life I imaged for myself, but I have many home making skills he does not and that is what I bring to this relationship. Could Sean learn to cook, eat better and take care of himself better on his own? Sure he could. Will he though? It's unlikely with his life style and schedule. He is the king of microwaved dinners and pizza rolls. Cooking, is just not for him. He doesn't care or want to give the time to pack his lunch, so I do it. For us. Packing lunches and planning dinners at home instead of eating out is also less wasteful on the environment/plastic usage, it also saves us both money.

Sean consistently pulls himself together to work his 12-14hr work shifts at his factory job. He also is starting school of Tuesday and I am really proud of him and trying to make things easier on him and as comfortable as possible him since he no longer has any PTO from needing to use it for his foot surgery recovery! His two days "off" were spent moving things in almost 100 degree humid weather! He went to work for his 3-day, 12/14hr shift sore, tired and achey when I got to sleep in and have a slow day. So I he came home to hot dinner, his favorite cola-whisky drink, and his tv ready for him to relax!

Right now I have not been able to work anything close to what he has. I have beat myself up for feeling like all I do is stay at home, do laundry, cook, clean and run errands, with part-time, on-call, child care/Mary Kay and an Only Fans. (ask me for my link!) But that is a lot and I am an important part of our dynamic right now too. He runs on little sleep like champ. And other than raw vegetables, he's not much of a picky eater.

Some other strengths I realized I have during this move:

> Phone calls! I'm good at making phone calls, asking questions, making appointments and getting those things in place. This comes in handy for electric, Antietam cable/internet.

> Note taking! Keeping lists and notes of times, dates, prices, bills in order and check book balancing is also something I am good at.

> Pacing myself. Mindfulness of my body. I know when it's time for a break!

> Savings! This move wouldn't have been possible without my side cash savings I've been collecting for nearly a year.

Both Sean and I were cranky through this process but I remember when I started to take it personally. He got upset after he realized it was taking more time and effort to move/pack and carrying things everywhere and that I needed several more breaks than him through-out the day so I could pace myself, I felt like he thought I was being lazy. I'm not lazy, but I will agree to being really out of shape and it being harder on me. I was trying my hardest and it wasn't fast enough for him. But I have been trying to do my best though this process to help in other ways!

A few weeks ago while he was on bed rest from getting his foot surgery I had us both start listing 10 things we liked/admired/noticed about each other during the day to help us appreciate each other more. It hasn't been easy for either of us to do, considering we have been getting a lot more time together in unwanted ways. We haven't been consistent with it, and I am the one who imitates these moments, but I'm hoping Sean will also encourage me to remember and do it more often before bed.

We are also in the process of introducing our two kitties! Dusk and Lilith. Lilith is a 6- year old tortie and dusk is 13 year old tuxcedo. You can read and learn more about Dusk in my blog dedicated to her here. She's a little stinker and not taking to moving and meeting the new cat as well as Lilith. She is older and considerably more grumpy, so I get it! But we have them on a rotation shift through out the day on who gets to roam the house. Dusk has the hobby room and takes to hiding in the closet and under the desk. She doesn't come out often and feels the best when the door is closed by herself. *sighs* I let her out at night to explore and Lilith sleeps with Sean right now, so that's going mostly okay for now. I'll update that as progress unfolds!

Oh! I also got a new yoga mat that I was finally able to use! Looks nice in my mostly empty room at the moment!

I plan to do a full apartment tour when we are completely finished. We are roughly 3/4th finished. The kitchen and bathroom are fully functioning but I don't have any of my clothing here yet. haha I've been driving down the road to grab clean clothing and drive back here. Other things have taken precedence.

So yeah, we might all have the same hours, but our abilities are different and that isn't an excuse to slack off. I'd like to be a more stable person, and that means knowing my limits and listening to my body and mind!