Got Boobs?

I don't.

I have nipples. That's it. Do you hear me ladies and gents? Nipples.

For as long as I can remember my chest was a conversation in my family. When I turned eleven my grandmother made notice of my chest and mentioned "you should start her on a training bra." I was embarrassed but excited. I thought I was a late bloomer as many of my fellow class mates and my older sister developed earlier, and many were well endowed. Turns out this chick wasn't meant to get breasts.

Senior Photo session my mom asked me if I as wearing my biggest pushed up bra. When I told her yes, she said I should have worn two today.

I started that training bra process, getting use to wearing what is now just called a bralette, hoping more would show up. I got my period the following year, and thought for sure this would kickstart those puppies. They stayed puppies.

Nothing really grew, and really it was just redistribution of my body fat to accentuate my bust line, until I was 20. When my nipples turned into "if I poke the skin around it, it kiiiiinda jiggles. A little". I often wore extremely padded bras to hide the fact that I didn't have any breasts, and they would ride up to my chin sometimes because nothing was there to keep the bra in place. LOL For realz.

My mother once told me when I became 18 we would go together and get a boob job, since I never was well endowed. At the time I believed perhaps my chest would grow bigger like hers eventually did through child bearing years/breastfeeding. While I liked the idea of bigger breasts, I wasn't excited about "getting a boob job".

During my senior photo session my mom asked me if I as wearing my biggest pushed up bra. When I told her yes, she said I should have worn two today.

I refused to take off my bra during sex with my first intimate partner because I was so ashamed of not having any breasts. He taught me body confidence through his love that started my journey of self love during those short 10 months. Confidence that should have been breathed into me from youth, but wasn't.

These aren't real. OMG.

I remember cracking jokes at my gynecologists office during my yearly breast exam: "not much there to feel or examine. Should be over in seconds." The woman smiled, but was kind to me, reassuring me that even men get breast cancer. That it was the breast tissue at cell level that was the importance of regular breast exams. Even my tiny tiddies, could kill me. And I felt a bit embarrassed with my insecurities.

I remember taking off my bra, putting a shirt over top and pulled the shirt tight to show my best girl friends during a sleep over how little I had. I was always curvy and they just assumed I had breasts because I always wore massive push up bras. They were all so shocked as to my flat chested-ness. One even said "If I didn't have any boobs like that, I'd cry." I remember chuckling but feeling inferior. I did it to myself I suppose. At least now they believed me, and somewhat understood. I wasn't some girl just wishing I had bigger tits. I literally didn't have any to begin with.

NBB- nothing but bra

The first time I was properly fitted into a Victoria's Secrets bra, I was 20. (in mormon world that place was considered straight up sinful, we'd be told to advert our eyes in the mall as children) I was a 30C. (or sister size 28 B) Did she just say C? How could I be anything bigger than a AA? I was flattered, but she must be wrong. I picked out the styles that I liked in the size she recommended, and sure enough, I looked beautiful. I still didn't understand sizing. I now know Victoria's Secrets typically fits only small or medium size breasts anyways. I always had a large selection of pretty bras to pick from then. But my bras still gaped in the cups for what wasn't there.

I've since almost completely shed all of my body insecurities and vanities. With therapy, leaving the cult I was raised in, making better friends, having boudoir/nude professional photography done, going braless #FreeTheNipple, shaving my head bald four years in a row for childhood cancer research, and accepting my body for what it is, I've learned that there is nothing wrong with my body. In all its "only-nipple glory". I've learned to be grateful that I don't need to purchase expensive boobie baskets for everyday wear. That feeling of removing a bra at the end of the day? I rarely have it. I feel free most of the time now! Not constricted. Clothing has never been easy to find, with a giant bra or just my flat chested self. I'm 5'0, and while I recently just passed the 200lb mark at my highest weight, I've always been curvy. Short, chubby, flat chested women don't exactly fit into plus size clothing either. I love you Torrid, but most styles still don't fit me. I've always been a small up top and a L-XL in the hips/booty. Pear shaped life!

Accurate. Why didn't I buy this dress?!

I've learned that our bust line is a muscle, and that for many people going braless actually increases our perkiness through strengthening those muscles instead of letting a bra "hold them up." I was doing myself a disservice prior to going braless and loving myself as is. Besides, studies show that 80% of women are currently wearing the wrong bra size, for proper support and comfort that is. You can wear clothing however you want, but so many women are busting out of their brassieres, cutting off circulation and causing themselves unneeded pain.

I may have never filled out a bra, and you may tell me I never found the right one. You might be right, but I don't need to try dozens of brands to cover my nipples. I don't need to wear one. It has now been three years of not wearing wired bras. I do occasionally wear braletts for fashion, during yoga or to disguise the color of my areolas through thin tops. But I no longer feel obligated to.

In less than a month I will be 27. Almost nothing that I planed for my future as a child came true. You can say that my desires as a child were niavee and that I didn't dream very big. To get married, have a bunch of children and be a stay at home mom isn't what I was meant to do. I never knew I wanted to be this confident and proud of my inner and outer self. (Frankly I didn't see it possible) And while I could still go out and buy me some big ole' tiddies, I'm happy with what I got. Which is nipples.

Special Thanks to my editor: MC_hammer

An example of a shirt/dress that is easy to go braless in for me.

Me. Naturally. :)

Teal hair though!