Heart ache

"We both loved people that no longer exist." Said new friend to me the other day.

I loved his words so much I wanted to add them to my blog. It's true, I still love a Sean Patrick Moody that doesn't exist anymore. And whether or not he wants to face the truth or tries put blame on anyone or anything but himself- he has turned into a scary monster that I did not fall in love with. At least there was no more kind, patient, deep loving and caring for the past several months. It was mainly lying, fighting, and anger.

So when I read "Are you living a life that you want? Are you prepared to live the life you are asking for?" I realized this involved shedding Sean from my life. All of him. And through this heart ache I have found lots of inspirational memes, words and stories, including words from my friends and even some funny shit. . .

YASSSSSS

Gratefully the last person I fucked wasn't Sean, but it still isn't an option to marry. I pick my first. A drunk bastard.

This didn't happen, but honestly I wouldn't put it past Sean for him punching walls and doors. He doesn't know how to fix it.

I DON"T NEED APPROVAL!

If only it was this simple.

Something I want to come to fruition.

I was right to worry about Sean and his ex

Enough said.

Absolutely.

And one more

"I'm not trying to ruin your life, I'm trying to get you out of mine."

And so I have been indulging myself in all things enriching!

I am of course still in weekly mental health therapy. More specifically EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) I just had my 3rd session and am very impressed with the immediate results. But only time will tell how this will stick, but at least I am learning ways to cope through flash backs. I now just need to master my sleep and bad dreams.

I have weekly acupuncture, when I can afford it- and my friends pulled together with some Mary Kay orders to help me get two appointments! Which was amazing!

And I am spending time with my friends. Face masks and dinner. This was when my best friend Abi and I talked more about her destination wedding in the bahamas, which I will be attending. While it is expensive I am a find a way make a way kind of person! And I will get to do get hair and make up! Bahama's in July 2022 here I come baby!

I am meeting a new guy here soon! His name is Nick and lives in Charlotte North Carolina. We've been talking for several weeks and he is going to give me motorcycle rides and take me to the beach! Huzzah! He is also my date to Inkcarceration Music festival that I have been planning most of this year next month! I'm stoked!

I purchased a ticket for Busch Gardens with my cousin and her hubby for the 25th of this month. I needed some R&R with the last remaining family member on my moms side who speaks with me. (apparently the rest of the family took the "cease and desist from Kirsten" pretty seriously after my grandfathers death in November. so fuck them!) I hope tricking my adrenaline and serotonin chemicals will be pleasant!

And even writing this blog, for the second time because it got wiped with an internet issues, is restful for me because I am sitting at my brand new vanity/desk. I purchased this with the intent of saving space in the bathroom from all my make up items and giving me a little work space in my bed room. (see below photos) I've been decorating my room more with small items to make it feel more homey. Including these cute moon phase mirrors. While super cheap looking, super cute! And I also got a hanging boho chair for the corner that my dad will help me hang!

Cute little boho moon cycle mirrors!

Last but not least, my room mates got me stoned. And it was a hilarious night. Double vision, room spinning, it was quite the experience. I tried a "baby dab" that flew me into the next dimension. lol

So with good friends, an outstanding support network, pysch meds and some resilience this is the best heart break I have ever had. Because I'm giving my heart a break.

A break from hurt and time for love.

A break from anger, and time for joy.

A break from lies for authenticity.

A break from him.... forever.