I Have A Boy Friend- Poly Dating

*Gasps* Almost 3 years of being single and I have a boyfriend, say whaaa?

Yup, and he's a cutie. And a ginger. (red heads, freckles and pale skin! My favorite!) He is also monogamous.

But wait, Kirsten, aren't you polyamerous? Yes, yes I am. Which means he knows that I have the ability and desire to love and date other people. And I do.

So how does he feel about it with him being monogamous? I've asked him and we have talked about it a lot since we gave our relationship a title. This is my blog obviously, not his, so this is what he has told me and my understanding of our relationship. He told me that it makes him feel uneasy, but he knew all of this before our first date and wanted to get to know me anyways. He is scared that I will find someone else and they will replace him, or they will "be better". He hopes that I choose him to be my nesting/main partner, and he really prefers that we live alone and not add my partners into our living arrangements. Future of course, we do not live together yet.

He is comfortable with my openness and honesty. Finds it refreshing and predictable that I share my insight on my life's experiences. Above all communication is the most important.

We've made some couples goals, including finances, savings, paying off his poor choice of a first time car purchase early because of all of his high interest. As well as making healthier eating habits and exercise.

We also recently had a milestone in our relationship of him lying to me about money spent. It was his money, so it was a silly thing to lie about but he didn't want to disappoint me, because that money was suppose to be in his savings. Days later he texted me while I was asleep next to him, at 3am admitting he felt awful and would understand if I wanted to break up; just for spending it on odds and ends things and that he did not in fact help out his roommate. I woke up to go to the bathroom and noticed I had a message, I read it. I thought for a moment, and then I hugged him to wake him up and we chatted. I told him I forgave him but it was silly. We can work on his money management, but honesty is more important. The amount of money doesn't matter. You can make more, but it's just silly to lie about it. Continually. And then tell me your room mate is going to pay you back. I'm sure he felt super awful but glad he eventually told the truth. No screaming, no fighting, just a discussion of I hope he does better and I forgave him. He punished himself enough anyways.

We go on super fun dates together. Busch Gardens, back yard bonfires, late night Taco Bell, movies, and thrift shopping! I like helping him pick out decent clothing for himself. He wasn't very stylish when I met him. Unless you count his made- easy wardrobe, due to him being color blind, made up of greys/dark blues and blacks. His white t-shirts were all hued blue. Even remodeling his bedroom with some new furniture to make him feel comfortable and organized. We laugh together, watch shows together, and in the future when I find another partner, he will probably double date or meet them. He said it would make him feel better to know that the men I'm with are treating me well. I agree, though who I date is my choice not his. Equally, if he chooses to embrace the poly lifestyle or even give it a try, who he dates is his choice too!

He also has fricken amazing hair he lets me style and braid. He makes me happy. He lets me cry when I need to. Hours or days at a time. He understands my depression and binge eating. He also conveniently likes bigger women. So I asked him if he'd still like me when I lost weight because I didn't plan on staying bordering 200lbs at 5'0 forever. He chuckled and said of course.

We gave ourselves a title and exchanged "I love you's" fairly early. He said it first. It was basically our 3rd date...

Being poly reminds me of the easy flow of emotion and friendship during my childhood. You'd meet someone for 20 mins on the playground, wouldn't even know their name, and say that you loved each other as you waved goodbye, knowing you might not meet them again. So when he said it to me during a very poor mental health day, he said it with tears in his eyes. I struggle with regular and frequent suicidal thoughts. According to my boyfriend, the thought that "he could come home to me dead any day" is a very real thing for him and I. And yet he says the poly thing bothers him more. And I'm mostly happy about it. Because in a world full of people who are afraid and uneducated about the mentally ill people, afraid of me, he loves that part about me, too. And while he wishes he could change it, he knows he can't, and is happy to work through things with me.

Yeah, we're kind of cute!

Which is exactly how we plan to approach me dating other people in the future: Working through it together. I've had a few dates since making it official with my current boyfriend. They hadn't been that interesting though. Mostly online dating nonsense. One was rather pushy, physically, which was a total turn off with the other there wasn't chemistry. And the last wasn't looking for anything serious, and I'm not really looking for a hookup. As long as I keep communication open, our relationship should grow. There is always the possibility this lifestyle isn't for him. That's a thought we have both discussed, too. But when you love someone, you want to make it work. So here we are, both learning and growing.

I like his smiles, his hugs, his kind words that come naturally, and even though he works swing shift 12hr shifts he still has time for me. Quality time is such an important love language of mine and he is more than willing to give it.

Being poly makes so much sense to me, I'm friends with most of my ex's- they are pretty decent people. I've made really awesome connections and friendships over the years, and that is what it comes down to. While I've always had rocky at-home family drama, my love life has been pretty rewarding in helping me learn what love really is. And it doesn't have to come through romance. It can be through interpersonal connections, spirituality, etc. Feeling and sharing love is a rewarding experience. I'm still learning and growing, but the poly lifestyle is about throwing away insecurities and opening your mind, heart, time and sometimes body, to multiple people, so that you can share and grow through those experiences. Because you want to. Questions? Comments? Concerns? Leave them in the comments, we can talk about them!