I Was Raped

Every 92 seconds someone in America is Sexually assaulted. And every 9 minutes, that victim is a child. Meanwhile, only 5 out of every 1,000 perpetrators will end up in prison.

18- I recently started dating. And was asked to a movie date. Minutes into the movie my date started touching me. (Arm/hand) Which at the time, I was okay with. He turned to kiss me, and I received to this day the worst kiss I ever received which started at him licking my cheek next to my mouth up to my eye. I was Dog-licked by a human. He announced 'You either let me in your shirt or pants.' I replied mortified "Neither!" He repeated his question, Which sounded like a statement, with both hands taking action on his endeavors. I attempted to look behind me - for help- there was a couple, who seemingly hadn't noticed all the hustle in front of them. He continued to molest me until I bawled. I excused myself to the rest room and should have called my mother for a ride home. Instead I walked back into the movie theatre, and sat one seat away from him the entire time. He took me home, in silence. I never saw him again. This is rape culture.

20- I was raped. And because I wasn't brave enough to share that information at the free clinic while asking for my first plan B, they suggested birth control and that I go to the pharmacy instead ($60). The answer to everyone who came int other clinic was birth control, they never once asked if I was hurt, even though I was crying. I was embarrassed, and hoping they might give it to me there. I was confused and treated poorly. ( Only the best of Southern VA hospitality) I never saw him again. This is rape culture.

How did you feel after you were raped?

23- I was having a rough evening and I invited a friend over, that I could use someone's company. He decided to tickle me (which I hate) to help cheer me up. He was far too aggressive and I told him to stop. He then tried to get me up and tuck me in bed- he said something about cuddling. (Which I didn't want) He continued to grab me by my foot and pull me off the couch towards my room... I kicked him and told him I wanted him to leave. Now. I thought he wouldn't stop. . . Thoughts flashed of how I'd call for help, he was actually not listening and dragging me down the hall way where he presumed a bed room had to be, He had never been to any bedrooms in my home. I said a silent prayer, eventually he gave up. And I tried to chuckle away the uncomfortableness. I never saw him again. This is rape culture.

24- I had gotten symptoms of the flu while on a first date while we were out to eat. We came back to my house after dinner so I could lay down. I sat down on the couch and almost instantly and accidentally fell asleep on the couch with him on the other end. He woke me with a kiss on my head, and proceeded to lift my face with strong effort and grip around my chin to his face aiming for what I presume was a mouth kiss. As I resisted the efforts I turned my cheek. He repeatedly kissed my cheek in attempt to make it to my lips. Which I denied. His grip hurt my chin. I was confused having a fever, and had just woke up. I apologized for falling asleep and I ended the date and told him to leave. He attempted the same thing at the door. And told me "I like that you're the hard-to-get type, it's working for me." The look on my face was not being hidden, it now showed disgust. He smiled as I glared at him and he walked away. I never saw him again. This is rape culture.

26- This year in April I was raped. I had reached out to friends asking what they think I should do, if it was worth reporting... My personal growth and confidence over the years encouraged me and I ended up going to the ER the next day and reported it. When I told the police officers his name and began to recite his contact information they interrupted me with a suspicious, "Oh, we know him." in a assuring tone as if this wasn't a news to them. The man was a fire fighter in a near by county, but still I made eye contact with the CASA counselor and noticed a twitch in her body in response to his words too. They told me that what I described sounded more like a character flaw, and not assault and they dropped the case before they left the ER room and nothing happen. "Not enough proof", "won't stand up in court" . I wasted 7 hrs of my day, feeling vulnerable during a safe exam for what? Nothing. This is why people don't report rape. Nothing happens when you do. I'm now in weekly additional therapy with CASA with that really awesome social worker. never saw the guy again. This is rape culture.

Victim- a person harmed, injured, or killed as a result of a crime, accident, or other event or action.

I am NOT just a victim, nor have I let these experiences define me. People victim shame all the time and the word now carries a negative connotation instead of one of empathy. We all need to learn consent. Teach it young. We need to educate and protect ourselves. We can only hope that police will do their jobs, they will be good people, and that even though few things happen when reporting rape- that one day when these rapists rape again, the police who "knew them"- will finally arrest them. Which at this point- that hope sounds laughable.

I got to the point before my 2nd rape that I knew if it happen again, at least would never get pregnant/ have a child. I'd take a plan B/get blood work or abort if absolutely necessary. I stay regularly tested for STI's, and most are curable- I felt confident in at least those two aspects. It's not that bad, right? I sat in the ER thinking "did I really want to send someone to prison potentially for life? Other than my emotions, I mean I was okay, right? What I don't feel confident in is my emotional stability for someone to do that to me and my body. And just because you are confident, doesn't make what your rapist did remotely okay. No one will ever be ready for the moment your rapist looks you in the eyes and tells you he knew the condom was broken. Even while you knew he broke it on purpose, then chuckles and proceed to say "Well it felt warmer". And shrug it off, as if his pleasure justified his actions.

I know other people of sexual assault will read this and I hope it lets them know they aren't alone. You don't have to share your stories. There is nothing to be ashamed of. It is not your fault. If you need to chat I'm here, but I'll most likely help you find local counselors as I'm not mentally healthy to offer counsel. I too have read statistics that makes me question if it was my fault.... I'm working through these things. I don't know how long it will take to heal.

I'm happy to say the rate of sexual assault and rape has fallen 63% since 1993, from a rate of 4.3 assaults per 1,000 people in 1993, to 1.2 per 1000 in 2016. And I hope these aren't just because people aren't reporting them as often. I truly hope our laws and educational systems are helping keep everyone safe. No matter gender, race or sexual orientation rape happens to all. You matter.