On your Knee's

Kink Life through my perspective.

Kink: is the use of non-conventional sexual practices, concepts or fantasies. The term derives from the idea of a "bend"

Fetish: a form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, item of clothing or part of the body. i,e. foot fetish, latex, etc.

Being a part of the kink community means that you do not judge others for their kinks. What brings them pleasure is their own business, but it doesn't mean that you force your interests on others by being vulgar without consent. Consent is THE #1 priority for those actively practicing any form of kink.

So whether you want to simply ask someone about their kinks, or try something new with a long term partner, consent must be asked. Period.

What are my kinky interests and experiences? Wouldn't you like to know. . . Am I going to discuss with you today what I enjoy sexually? A little bit. *wink wink* But like many, my interests and fascination with the kink community started as a teen. I grew up Mormon, so proclaiming my open kinkiness comes as a surprise to many conservatives. However, there are studies shown that the more of a restriction on something there is, the more curiosity, fascination and often obsession there is over it. Heaps of shame and guilt were constantly associated with my mere interest in sex, let the alone taboo things. Sexual frustration is very common among teens and young adults, especially in cult-like religions. Putting down masturbation and telling children that sex is a sin just below murder. GREEEEEAT, it's not like I was thinking about it all the time or anything. However, the shame culture that very much still exists in organized religion is not today's focus.

I did not get my first kiss until I was 17, and unlike other popular teens with high sex drives, I didn't have penetrative sex until I was 18 and in college. (Oral sex is sex folks!) I don't like the term "losing virginity". I did not lose anything. I am not lesser of a person for having sex. I didn't give anything away. I didn't always think this way, though. I'm still in the process of correcting my terminology and self talk. Be gone, negative sex energy! I learned about my body in a safe, loving environment, and gained new experiences with someone I could trust. Most people would have loved to explore their sexuality with such a great first partner, especially after having to rely on my crude high school peers who got their education from porn, and the sex- Ed teacher who's name was Mrs. Butts. (Yes with two- T's!) I just don't understand why anyone with that name would teach middle and high school sex ed. The sex education I received from many parents and the church can be summed up in one word: Don't.

Pornography. My opinion of it has changed over the years. I signed a petition in my early 20s once that stated I would never watch porn and support the sex trafficking that is associated with popular free porn sites. But that wasn't my only motivator to not support adult entertainment. Today, as long as everyone is consenting, safe, and legal, I say do as you please in the adult entertainment industry. You can't knock the entertainment you consume or produce! Speaking of consuming, bible belt states view a higher rate of porn than other states. . .

What types of kinks/fetishes are there? So many, I'm glad you asked.

Age play, bondage, cuckholding, Consenting Non Consent, BDSM, Electrostimulation, Feet, Gag, humiliation, latex, Shibrari, Size Queens, Role play, Voyeurism, Feederism, Whipping, Spanking, flogging. The list goes on. Many different things can bring pleasure, and can be used during sexual or non sexual play, or even everyday relationships with your partner(s). I realize some or all of these terms many be new to you. That's okay.

This is where I think it is important to mention the asexual community. It can be an in-depth topic, that's where communication and consent comes in to play with your partners- but essentially it means that there are people who lack sexual interest(s). But that doesn't mean they don't have or enjoy intimacy or kinky things. The kink community encompasses many, even those who don't have penetrative sex. I've included an adorable video for your viewing pleasure!

Onward to BDSM! There are some misconceptions of the BDSM community. That stands for: Bondage Discipline Sadism Masochism. Some outsiders speculate this lifestyle to be abusive with unhealthy boundaries. I mean, is it really ever okay to bruise your partner, even if they ask? Yes.... and no. And as I said before, it all comes back to consent. While practicing BDSM with my partners (and I use the word "practice" because I'm not perfect), I have consented to being bruised; I wanted it and enjoyed it. We established safe words, boundaries if and when a gag was being used as a way to communicate if I wanted or needed to stop for any reason.

I know what some of you are thinking: "So this is all just some Fifty Shades of Grey shit". And I can't give you a big enough FUCK NO. Those books and movies are what media has mainstreamed. And it's a pretty shitty representation of the kink community I know and belong to. If you read the books I hope you know that their relationship wasn't always consensual, that it wasn't educational. There was manipulation and control in an incredibly unhealthy way with stalker-like behavior. There was minimal communication of expectation during sex and Dom/Sub play, safe words were violated and those books emulate and glorify an abusive relationship. You can not be mad when your partner uses their safe word. That makes you a terrible person. You made those boundaries for safety, love, and trust. You stop, ask them if they are okay, and communicate and discuss whats next. In the books when Christian marries Anna, he gets mad and storms out saying "you safe worded me on our wedding night?"

I've found that there are far less kinky people in the world than I had hoped. I'll be frank: if you don't like it in the booty, you aren't for me. This is mainly because of my online dating life of pervy heterosexual men trolling me trying to glorify their less than average. . . everything. Including experience, skill, and yes, size. The only thing above average was the 30 seconds of confidence to send me an unwanted photo of their genitals. No reason to flaunt what you don't have. There really is little reason to gloat at all. I've found when it comes to sex, those who know what they are doing, don't brag. They ask what you like and what they can do better. Communication!

That age old taboo question. Does size matter? Depends on who you ask. Ask yourself first. Do you have a preference? Does your partner? It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Personally the answer is yes, for me. I care, and I'm not a prude. I've been with men with 10 inches that couldn't do what 5 did. Yup, you heard me, size matters to me. I have preferences, but that doesn't mean body parts are all that matter. Sex toys exist, try something new. If you get something too big, just keep it in your night side table to scare a date gone bad, re-gift it as a gag gift, or keep it in the car for when you find that person who did a horrible park job and suction cup it to their drivers side window. :)

Orgasms! The reason to have sex, right? Wrong! It's one of many reasons to, but not even the top 3 for me. I personally don't need to orgasm in order to enjoy naked intimacy. Perhaps it is because I've had my share of selfish sex partners, and I had to find the silver lining since they didn't care to help me have one? Eh... I think it's just a "me" thing, but they are still losers. Anyways, edging is a thing, too. It's where you or your partner build up the tension until you almost orgasm, but then you stop. And then repeat, as often as desired. Here's another YouTube sex educator I love following. She is stellar:

While looking in a sex shop for some toys for my current partner and I, a familiar face behind the counter, passed judgment on how my partners and I have had sex. She found it odd that any straight man would ever want to be pegged. Called them a "sissy", "not a real man" and "something not quite right." She said "You like that?" Ahhh, yeah lady, I do... I doubt she will be getting my business again, as there are plenty of other sex shop options. It shocked me someone who has that job would pass any judgment at all. You should be encouraging all of your customers to get it on happily! Her homophobia lost her a customer. I do blame this on the geographic area I am in. It's a shame I liked their selection in there. Boo...

What you do with your body and someone else's is up to you and that person. It is a unified decision and action. Consent & Communication. If you'd like me to go in depth about a specific fetish or kink in this blog or something that I missed, leave your questions in the comments and lets have a discussion!