Single-Polyamory-Dating Rambles

I've been single roughly 3 years, and have been actively dating most of that time. "So why is someone as pretty as yourself still single?" Hmmm, don't know Susan, why are you still with your abusive husband? Oh right, that's none of my business.

Behold Match dot com. The dating app you pay to meet cheating married men with children. UGH

Am I defensive when people push their noses into my dating life? Maybe a little. I do enjoy being single in my mid 20's, but I am looking for long term relationships. (Yes plural!) Not even 8 years ago I thought I'd be married with 3 children by now. After all, that's what my mother, and her mother did. Married with 3 kids before their 30's.

Dating in 2019 is tough. And in Western Maryland- it's hardly my favorite thing. Most of my dating apps zip codes are set closer to D.C. for that reason. More open minded people in that area for sure. But no matter where you go someone is always looking for a booty call. And by someone I mean at least 75% of my online dating matches. And while I am sex positive, these men are not for me. Dick pics? I've gotten what has to be hundreds. And I didn't ask for or want any of them. I've met a lot of addict; the drug epidemic has truly impacted my dating life. I've never been down that road but It's so main stream there are simply less 'decent' bachelors.

There is a reason he is single, that's for sure.

My very conservative family always wanted me to marry in the Mormon church to a Return Missionary, or at the very least a god fearing man. That's not going to happen, as I don't want marriage anymore, and I'm no longer Christian. The odds of finding that conservative man who'd tolerate my disbelief and that I'd be compatible with is slim.

Through online dating, I've come across a community of people who love and date multiple people. It's called polyamory, and we have the ability an desire to love more than one person at a time. It's honestly surprisingly how liberating this kind of love and dating can be. I've enjoyed it. Communication and honesty are important in all relationships, but it is THE foundation to being poly!

For me it means my partners have the ability to meet one another- if all parties are consenting. My partners can even date one another, and of course I encourage partner exploration and my partners have other partners. I don't personally want marriage, two kids, a picket fence and a dog. Ideally I see myself with 3 long term partners/lovers. Potentially all living together.

This life style is not without it's struggles. All relationship dynamics have ups and downs. The more people there are, the more communication and time it takes to meet everyone needs. That's called being human. And only being 18-months into the poly life style, I'm still a noob. But since recently deciding I'm never having children, I don't want to sacrifice having multiple humans to love, polyamory made sense! (Side note: you can totally have children within poly relationships- many do!)

And while I'm still single (but poly) I don't feel the need to cut off building organic relationships just because I'm perusing someone this week/month. Have I met people I liked? Absolutely! It's not super common, but it does happen. Maybe 1 out of 30 dates I meet someone I really get butterflies for. They usually end up not feeling the same way. Yeah, that stinks- and that's part of dating. Life happens, we are all unique individuals. So why is being single and actively dating bad? (it's not) Why is "settling down" the only way to be happy? (It's not) At this rate I'll just be the fun traveling aunt. But I won't have any cats.... I'm allergic.

Yup. I'm going to be single forever.