Sittin' pretty

There are misconceptions with high sex drives.

There are misconceptions about "modesty" and "nudity".

If you go to minute 5:46 you will him talk about this exact misconception.

We typically believe what our environment has told us, but not all environments are healthy and educational backed by proven logical facts. So what has yours told you?

Mine told me many lies which I believed, and spread until I got a better education and a deeper understanding. Learning how repressed sexual desires leads to shame and self harm. And that masturbation doesn't infact make you gay. I've been doing that shit since I've been two years old, and sadly, I am still straight.

The conversation about our bodies and sexualization is a never ceasing battle. A war that I was told if I was armed with shorts to my knees and shirts that covered "my shoulders and mid-drift" that apparently gave me the right to spread hurtful weaponized words for the great or good. "Choose The Right"... The right clothing, the right words. And "Modest-Is-The-Hottest." And "it's never attractive to be immodesty." The chewed up piece of gum or licked cupcake metaphor rings in my ears from the Primary Program Sunday school lessons into from the 90's into the Young Women's program from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. That once you experience sex, via consent or not, that you were the licked cup cake no one wanted. You were the chewed up gum to be discarded and thrown away. TRASH. That you were not worthy. Never mind what this was doing to myself and my peers; what damage it has already done to the persons who taught me these "principles".

Billie Eylish, an 18 year old artist/musican/performer recently released a short film called "Not My Responsibility." Below is the worlds to it!

"do you know me? really know me? you have opinions about my opinions about my music about my clothes about my body some people hate what I wear some people praise it some people use it to shame others some people use it to shame me but I feel you watching always and nothing I do goes unseen so while I feel your stares your disapproval or your sigh of relief if I lived by them I’d never be able to move would you like me to be smaller? weaker? softer? taller? would you like me to be quiet? do my shoulders provoke you? does my chest? am I my stomach? my hips? the body I was born with is it not what you wanted? if I wear what is comfortable I am not a woman if I shed the layers I’m a slut though you’ve never seen my body you still judge it and judge me for it why? we make assumptions about people based on their size we decide who they are we decide what they’re worth if I wear more if I wear less who decides what that makes me? what that means? is my value based only on your perception? or is your opinion of me not my responsibility"

This is #PurityShamingCulture

My favorite line? "IS MY VALUE BASED ON YOUR PERCEPTION? Or is your opinion of me Not. My. Responsibility."

Why do others get to decide what is right for your body? For mine?

"Chastity isn't more virtuous than promiscuity. What's virtuous is having the insight into your sexual needs, and engaging into consensual sexual behavior that is congruent with those needs and values."

-Eric Sprankle Psyd

(By the way he has a doctoral degree in psychology for clinical practice.)

Another really good video. I love Jimmy Snow when he said: "Another persons sexuality is not a violation of your autonomy!" He knocks out several misconceptions in that video with a light educational tone. He also talks about a point that my mother brought up two years ago in the first photo of this blog, about "sleeping with every man I see" (time stamp-5:46) Jimmy's personality is bomb.com. He's also a cutie that I totally have a crush on. Go binge his channel. It's lit! I can 100% respect your right to practice any religion and their rituals you so chose. I once lived by a different standard and wanted respect for my choices, but I can not respect you force others to practice them. And even though I never forced anyone to live by my rules, I certainly shamed them and thought less of them when they didn't.

I was taught those Mormon phrases above were to reinforce that what I wear says a lot about who I am to the world around me. And from the simplest form of observational social ques, that is true. Wearing a hijab vs a business suit and tie does lable people into different categories. But in church they took it many steps farther and taught that it mattered what people thought of me, of my worthiness and purity. It mattered for education, for dating and my career. (always wear panty hose, shave your legs, wear some lipstick) It mattered to God, after all he was watching me as I masturbated. (I legit turned any photos of Jesus around in my room before masterbating. I laugh looking back, but like #Triggered) I am not arguing being taught to "dress for success" is some farce, but it should not be the status quo that a dress to your knees verse one that lands above that line makes me scandalous, slutty or "immodest". It does for many conservative Christians though. "Looking nice" and "Sunday best" means something different to each person. I fancy my naked body. Quite a lot. But I didn't always. There was a point in my life I'd sit with the sofa pillows on my lap because I was afraid people would see my belly pudge. During sex with my first sexual partners I refused to take my bra off because I was so ashamed that I did not ever develop breasts. Denying myself the full spectrum of pleasure that comes with physical intimacy. That shame felt terrible. It was awful lugging that around everywhere.

Bet she never thought I'd have a blog that talked ALL about my life, including my sex life. Mean while she is #SlutShamingWhileBeingDomesticallyAbused

Nudity empowers some, where modesty empowers others. It is in the mind that everyone is beautiful in how they choose to express themselves, and that one is not greater or lesser than the other. I'm here to share that I have been removing that fear and hate through healing and therapy. With trusted people who love and care for me, and through education that sheds light on real human topics back by science and observable tests.

Our bodies were not born to be judged by others. It definitely wasn't born for you to hate your own. And yet in a world where we are taught we should be confident and proud but that if you do show that confidence, and it's not done in a certain way, you are called slut/whore.

REPENT she says. lol

People use hurtful terminology like "you don't respect yourself if you wear X,Y,Z and have sex with multiple people." (Also in Jimmy's video time stamp-13:23)

There is literal lawful acts of genital mutilation being practiced world wide for the prevention of masturbation. Circumcision being the most widely accepted. That procedure rarely needs to occur and is akin to the labia on the vulva. It protects the entrance into the body. It also has all sorts of nerve endings that provide sexual stimulation. While other cultures practices the removal and mutilation of the labia, the beginning of circumcision was a religious practice. Early doctors, lawmakers, and religious leaders believed this decrease the desire for masturbation. (by removing the nerve endings that feel good) Ooooof. Don't believe me, do the research yourself. It's nothing more than harmful manipulation and locker room egotistic vanity habits.

These are just some of my many racing thoughts poured into this topic. It's a diverse topic that demands diverse research and view points to thoroughly understand. Not just the assumptions that a religious upbringing planted into your mind. So, if you found your way to this very blog and your experiences echo any of the things I talked about today, I hope you find healing. I hope that your sex life/sexuality, or lack there of, is serving your needs in a consensual healthy and PLEASURABLE way. You deserve that.

Love yourself. Hairy legs, cellulite and all.