Tattoos

I had a saying when I was a child that I wrote on church chalkboards when no one was looking... "Beauty is blind. If only everyone could see it." People didn't believe me that I wrote it or came up with it on my own whenever I pointed it out.

I was taught that tattoos are "defiling your temple," that "your body is like a temple, keep it clean and holy". Every temple I have seen has always been extravagantly decorated, though. And I've always thought tattoos were super hot! (scene/emo girl at heart)

My boyfriend wants tattoos. For his first, he wants to cover his self harm scars. It's hard for me to accept, because those scars remind me that him and I aren't so different after all, even though he appears mentally stable. (At least moreso than me.) And he's ready now to make those scars into something else he finds beautiful. Creating himself through self expression.

Scars are beautiful to me. His scars tell a story, some even I haven't heard yet, and I might not. That is for him to share.

I'm told you have two options with being mentally ill and finding those to date:

1) Find someone else who also has/had mental illness so you will have a connection and understand each other on a deeper level. But this also risks both people's mental health, and often has highs and lows despite how passionate it is.

Or...

2) Find someone who doesn't have/never had mental illness and have at least one person stable in a relationship.(because you know it's not you) But you than forfeit having that deep connection that only someone who has been there knows.

But Sean knew. His scars say so.❤ ("Knew".... as in past tense...) He mostly falls in to category two. But he still has the ability to love me in my very low-lows. He accepts me as I am.

He knows a life with me means no surprises. He knew his birthday day gifts before they arrived and were created. He helped me with one, actually. Lol I'm terrible with surprises and just tell him or shop with him because he knows what he likes.

I help him grocery shop, pack his work lunches and give him hair cuts to save him money, and we go and do things with that spare money together and get me out of the house and in the sunshine! He loves seeing me happy. Imagine living with someone who loves to do things with you that they wouldn't do on their own, because they like seeing you happy!❤

He wants to decorate his entire upper body, but he chose this spot first. Even though I'm not ready, he will be "covering" his scars. A part of his past he is ready to move on from. It's not my body, it's not my choice. This emotion is probably less then 1% of the sadness he feels when I talk to him about my suicide, but just a topic that I wanted to talk about here on my blog.

I just want him to be happy, too. Because that's what relationships are about. He really

likes all things space themed, so I'm excited to experience more firsts with him. He's the oldest of six children in his family and turns 25 this month. Large families don't always get to do a lot of fun things.... I was his first with many things; we are keeping a running list. We went parasailing for both of our firsts during his first trip to the ocean as an adult without family. I took him to his first live music concert last fall. We went to Busch Gardens together and, when this quarantine ends, we hope to go this year to Water Country USA because he really wants to know what a water park is like. We have explored some of his sexual fantasies he hasn't had a chance to do before. And apparently I'm the thinnest woman he has ever dated. (That's a first for me ha! Because right now I'm at my heaviest at 205lbs!)

Growing with someone means accepting change and celebrating the milestones. Some people find it a waste of money. They try and guilt you into thinking "What will your family think?" Or "what will your employer say?" When in reality no matter the color or patterns on your skin, it doesn't affect your ability to work or your education level. His family would probably love his future tattoos, actually. I like listening to him describe how he wants his body to look when covered. Goal setting and dreaming is fun. I encourage it.

Here's to his, and potentially my, future tattoos!

Special thanks to my editor: MC_hammer