Unicorn Hunting

Dick pics. Women send them, men send them, couples send them. What I can't seem to understand is there must be some secret community of people who like penis/genitalia photos. And I'm not talking about the sometimes cute shirtless chest flex, or a flattering angle of some soapy tiddies in the shower. I'm talking full on, nothing but, vieny dick, being choked by the base trying to get a few extra centimeters with a blank stare blurred in the back ground with how much focus it was to get that selfie. (See baby carrot reenactment below from my new friend Kelsey!) And in my experience, though it is less common, even the FULL vulva close up, given without warning happens. Tasteful nudity is one thing. I'm not apart of this movement, but either this is a very LOUD community that stands out, or randomly sending photos of genitals to people that didn't ask for them is just the new norm? What is going on? Why is this a trend? I'm confused, are the same people who send them the ones who like them? Is this non consentual exhibitionism? I must investigate this further....

In the meantime, would you ASK CONSENT FIRST before sending photos of yours or anyone else's genitals to other people? Seriously. And for the record, I have never asked for a photo of anyone's genitals. I don't like them, I find them un-personal with poor taste. I know I am not the only one that is struggling with this phenomenon. So if you want to see me make some sense of this bologna keep reading.

Yes, this is real. And yes, I've been propositioned many times. I'm not saying that anyone of any age can't get their freak on, but if you look like you could be my unhealthy grandparents, don't hit me up.

Today I am going to teach my readers about consent. Again. Because at least one of you don't understand it. One of my blog readers (and their husband) reached out to me and inquired about what my poly lifestyle entails. She asked me to not put her on blast for her inquiry, and had she read my messages and took my kind denial of their proposition seriously, it would have been a lovely and flattering encounter. Just don't be crude. Keep it classy! Instead, with inexperience, and likely nervousness, she persisted several times, even sending me a photo of her husbands dick and asking me what I thought about it. Ironically, directly after my message about how "consent is one of my highest priorities". *face palm*

In the kink community, these couples are referred to as "unicorn hunters". And they are extremely frowned upon. They often prey on poly women, only wanting sex because they hear we live an open lifestyle with multiple partners, often but not limited to our sex lives. I attempted to teach her what the poly lifestyle was about, describing the terms and how they applied to my life. Click here to read another blog about Unicorn Hunting I found on the internet. She ignored my comment that I am hetero-flexible. Meaning I've never been with a woman and I'm not really that sexually interested in women but wouldn't mind sharing a love life with one. I explained that I'm not even having sex with my current boyfriend at the moment, and I wasn't interested in casual sex with other people, let alone couple.

At first her proposition was "hypothetical", her words not mine, but I knew where she was going. And when I questioned her if they were interested in the poly lifestyle, my reader's reply was "we like to sexually get women off" and "we don't necessarily want them to be apart of our daily lives.... you know.". To which I replied "That sounds like unicorn hunting and/or swinging, and that has no part in my current lifestyle." I was not here to put down her personal sexual interests from a simple, flattering (or so I thought) inquiry. But that denial apparently wasn't enough.

The conversation continued and I thought we could keep talking cordially/passively about our sex lives/interests. I've known this person since I was a teen. Our parents use to date. She had reached out a few weeks ago touching base, saying hello, catching up and discussing our mental health journies. The topic of sex doesn't need to end a potential rekindled friendship. And it still doesn't. However, she did repeatedly add comments like, "Well if you ever wanna do sexy pics, we invite them." And... "But forreal.... ANYTIME you wanna send pics. They are welcomed. " , and "...my husband thinks you are really pretty and we both hope you change your mind." And "We would enjoy the pictures... it is exciting to us." And even though I never sent them photos of myself she continued... "He really wants to go down on you." Aaaaaand "sorry to change the subject back to that."

At this point I didn't even know how to get out of the conversation kindly. Each of those comments were attached to her replies of my attempts to change the subject. It started at 4pm and ended at 8pm. The topic of my PTSD and sexual assault came up a few times, because she missed the first time I mentioned it; probably from being too excited I might change my mind. We even talked about children, babysitting, and other random things of life.

It was as if Miss Frizzle took a wrong turn on her educational class filed trip of the human body and ended up in unwanted kink town and couldn't get out... I was full of good intentions for education but they were fixed on the one topic I wasn't discussing. She kept bringing it up. The conversation ended directly after she apologized for "bringing the subject back to that" when I replied "Yeah, most people don't enjoy dick pics. Again, thanks for the offer, but I'm not interested!"

So here I am, typing my heart out in frustration. I am again grateful for years of therapy that has taught me decent communication skills. As much as I am a people person, I'm not a pro and they exhaust me at times. Some days I can rock being blunt, and other times with vulnerable conversations, I just don't know what else to say.

No matter who you are consent involves communication. Which involves listening attentively to your other partner(s). I shouldn't have to tell someone multiple times that "I've been raped the idea of sex is hard" and then continue to be propositioned. Empathy please!

So with all sexual content you need to ask/discuss, explicitly ALL details.

Who- all parties involved.

What- kinds of sex you like, and things you consent to and enjoy. As well as the things you do not enjoy and do NOT consent to.

When- Time agreements, but also exactly when you would like X,Y & Z to happen. Perhaps in a specific order.

Where- Physical location where all parties will be present. And where on your body you want/do not want things to be done.

How- you would like to sex. With whom/what toys. Discussing use of condoms (which I think should always be used, unless with trusted long term partners). As well as other forms of BC where pregnancy may be a possibility.

And Why- probably because you are kinky bastard and you like it that way. But communicate that. Tell your partner(s) how X,Y & Z makes you feel. Some people like vocal stimulation.

And if you don't know the answer, ask before you do it. These behaviors take mindfulness. You could be acting rapey and not know it. Like the Michael Jordan meme says: "Stop it. Get some help"

Consent Consent Consent Consent Consent Consent Consent Consent Consent Consent

Special Thanks to my editor: MC_hammer