Why I'm not Getting Married-Boy friend updates

Why I won't get married:

I am 26, never married and never will get married. As an atheist now, marriage serves few purposes in my life. For many in my life, marriage has ended in costly legal (court) troubles, and not just financially. Relationships ending are emotionally painful regardless of marriage; the law doesn't always need involved with those kinds of commitments and people you Iove most. While I can understand and respect the beautiful nature of joining/beginning a new family and making promises to each other via big celebrations, I 100% don't believe it needs to be with "marriage". I am aware of tax/medical benefits. There are also tax/medical cons too in the US. Some of my close married friends husbands make just enough money to not qualify for them from receiving better care for their "household".

Look how daper!

I hope people care more about their loved ones than a piece of legal paper, but western culture isn't even the majority. Arranged marriages account for 53% of global marriages. And while they have low divorce rates (less than 6%), their happiness probably ranges similar to western culture 50% divorce rates. They have traditions of life and death sometimes on the line for a broken marriage, or being completely ostracized from their family and will have nothing if they choose to leave. Many have mistresses. Both cultures have their flaws, that's for sure. If you want to be primal on which has the longest lasting affect for lineage, then yeah arranged marriages have that in the hat. Otherwise, modern times do view the self above the greater good. So what? Do what makes you happy, what feels right to you, and let others live their lives, no matter what it is.

Which brings me to my second topic. Despite my youth and the (hook up) culture that comes with it, I literally have no idea why people stay in relationships that don't make them happy. My mother is on her third domestically violent marriage. THIRD. That poor woman values the culture of marriage to a man more than loving herself. I totally admit a lack of experience here. I do not have children and also don't plan on any of those in my life, either. And when the lives of others are sewn into yours, it makes that decision that much harder. On everyone. But I will not ever allow a man to rule me into nothingness, beat me at his will, use his income as power over me, or treat me less than I deserve.

I'm a product of a divorced family. It was absolutely fucking terrible. It is probably THE biggest influence to sway me away from marriage and building a family with children. I've redefined what family means to me. I know what real love feels like. I know how to give it, and it most certainly doesn't have to come from my blood relatives.

You can grow and fall out of love. Intelligent people are driven by change, and sometimes they grow apart. Their life goals take them where they need and sometimes it's not with the partner they chose 10, 20 or 30 years ago. I'm not an advocate for broken families, I'm an advocate for real love, freedom and growth. In a healthy, attainable way. Some of the most difficult times in my life was due to holding on to people, places, things, actions and thoughts that weren't healthy. And the most liberating and blissful were challenging them and letting them go. Running away doesn't solve your problems, but staying in abusive and toxic environments will bring a faster demise.

If you find yourself in a place of curiosity asking "is this the best? Do I love them anymore?" do some soul searching. Date again, seek counseling, communicate your feelings. Don't stay stuck when it doesn't serve you or others around you to be confined to misery, confusion, lack of love, etc. If wanting to leave is symbolic to a new era, embrace it. Divorce doesn't always end in sadness. It can lead to freedom!

Painted our toes sparkly purple!

I use to think there were such things as "model relationships." I'd idolize them, praise them, take notes and follow them. Goal posters and aspirations aren't bad to have, but accountability to realism is important. You can't just take the things you like about life and forget about all the other real and sometimes difficult, complicated and painful things. Perfectionism is often something we as children grow out of quickly, when we realize that people make mistakes. And we learn sometimes people do bad, on purpose. By staying in the Mormon church so long I feel I held on to this belief and practice that adults mean well, and won't harm me much longer than others. Even if everyone is born good, people can choose otherwise. We can have empathy, but we do not need to carry those who choose to do wrong continuously in our lives in hopes they change. And as a child victim of abuse, neglect and more I didn't fear the adults in my life as they abused me. I looked up to them, they were all I knew. Until I was shown something far better. Of course not everyone has these experiences. . . this is my life.

Choosing to not get married won't save me from heartache. It won't always save me from legal procedures, it's just likely it can't be blown out of proportion as you didn't sign a legally binding contract to someone... "until death do you part." Unless you are Mormon. lol That shit is eternally binding.... Choose someone good folks!

Marriage has changed continuously through out human existence. I strongly dislike the religious aspect of it now. Where once it was a beautiful, sparkling goal,it's now unrealistic and ridiculous. That part of me has agreed that making this decision for myself feels right, and good. It helps me cope with feeling like a failure. If I don't get married, I definitely can't fail at it. But I've taken it much farther and have diminished the value of religious marriages completely. I don't believe in god. I'm not uniting another country. I'm not expected to breed a male to carry a lineage on. I don't want children, and I wont be traded for cattle or goods.

So how does my boyfriend feel about this?

Well, he wants a wife. He would love a celebration, and one day he would love to be called a husband and to call someone his wife. We, of course, are still dating. While I'm not opposed to compromise, we both agree that church weddings are.... goofy. He is agnostic/Atheist as well. But he would like a celebration, dressing fancy, and saying meaningful things to each other. And of course... the words husband and wife. We at least agree to the "no children" policy! So that's excellent!

We've talked about it here and there. What it means, what it could be for us, but we have some time to go before I consider more of that. I'm happy where I am at. And with that, here is a little playful goofiness between us....

Me asking my boyfriend questions:

Q:What kind of bf should you have?

A:One who is your best friend! Someone who does the little things that's nice and feels right and homey. Someone you can share anything and everything with. Q: What do you think of me?

A: She's cute, but scary.

Q: What's your favorite thing about me? (aka something you enjoy/want in a partner):

A: Uuummmm, you're nice to me.

Q: What's one thing you think all relationships should have?

A: Communication, love and understanding.

Q: Name three things different about our relationship compared to your others?

A: You take care of me. I don't feel like I need time away from you. We are agreeable on what we want to do.

Q: Give a tip for your fellow single dudes out there...

A: *whipsers* Eat the pussy and be a red head. (Don't lead with the former)....

Men are simple sometimes. Yup.

Was trying to take a decent photo and he went a bit far with his giant grin!