Poly Dating- Pt5 Top Questions Answered

The boyfriend and I have hit 7 months! Woooo! It seems I post these online dating screen shots about once a month with a few comments on how life has been going. I know you came here for the funnies, and I plan to continue posting on the most weird ones! But in todays blog I plan to go into more detail about types of poly relationships.

Honestly, online dating hasn't had a break through by any means, but I will say that who I talk to and how many has been narrowed down significantly since having a stable consistent relationship the past few months.

Just because I am actively dating, doesn't exactly make me "single". I am happy in my relationship and I look for others to compliment my life and share love with. Many don't read profiles, and get upset when I mention my boyfriend or that I am poly.

Some get upset, mostly at themselves, for not reading what is already written on my profile. They get stuck on swiping on everyone so that when we are having a decent conversation, get mad at me for not mentioning it earlier. lol Some try and guess what "poly" means and make assumptions on how I desire to live my dating life. And then some, like this guy will just ghost and block you when they didn't hear the answers they wanted to hear. I honestly have no idea what he thought poly meant, but he's a bit confused.

Some ask me odd questions like "is my dating lifestyle like an 'orgy'?" Um, no. lol Perhaps he didn't read through my typo correctly. His previous question was do I live with my current boyfriend/ and how often would we hang out. I meant to say "I'd love to live* with all my partners." And while I am fond of group sex, it doesn't happen often and not everyone is interested in that experience.

So lets talk types of poly dynamics. (don't worry, I'll throw in a few cringy screen shots along the way) We'll start with mine. Technically my dating lifestyle is a hierarchy at the moment. I believe most relationships start out this way, but most poly people do not plan to stay this way. This means that you typically have a "nesting" or "main partner". Someone who is the top priority, or someone you live with. This can be based on many things. Typically people who identify as poly are focused on love and building relationships. Though there are people who build their relationships from sex and enjoy that perspective. That is usually associated with a larger umbrella term as ethical non-monogamy, or "open relationships".

"So say if you have 3 boyfriends and it's Christmas time, which one do you go to Christmas dinner with and why? Is it your family or theirs?"

This is a question I've gotten before actually. And I mostly find it annoying, but I understand that some people just haven't given themselves the opportunity to look at life differently. #1 I don't celebrate Christmas. #2 All of us would likely sit down and discuss what days/times important events are and we'd likely all try to go to all of our families events. TOGETHER. Yeah I know, mind blowing to want to be around all the people you love at the same time. That includes my partners, their partners etc. I do not have intentions of leaving people out or putting someone on a pedestal.

But back to the hierarchy. My current relationship takes precedence over my other causal dating until I find someone worth while. We have an established, intimate relationship. Opening that up to other people, while fun, exciting and something I want, affects my monogamous boyfriend. Again, he has my full support if he ever wishes to start seeing others. We are easing into this together. It took over two years to find someone like Sean. Finding people I connect with on a level to develop romantic feelings can take time. I do worry about when I do eventually fall in love with someone new. What that will feel like for me, and what that will be like for Sean. I only hope he will want me to be happy and be okay hearing me tell someone else I love them, while knowing that doesn't affect how I feel about him. (between you and me I'm holding out that he too might enjoy the poly lifestyle one day, on his own- happens to the best of us! Ha!)

Sooooo other forms of poly.... Here is a simple list below.

If you look at the above chart and are asking- "so which color is male and which is female?" That isn't relevant here, and you may have a similar background to me (I'm ex- mormon) Poly relationships aren't based on gender or sex. Your personal sexuality, sure. The community seems to be majority bisexual women.

For my fellow poly people this chart will give you giggles. I like "the skeptic" and "new in town".

Being apart of this community means that you are open minded. While I don't agree or want all forms of poly dating there is the phenomenon of heterosexual couples looking to add a bisexual woman. This is know as Unicorn Hunting. While some have good intentions, I think any person who says they are poly, but only want to add "one more person for their husband/wife to share" is a fairly unrealistic goal. I think of it this way, you two love each other, how likely is it for an outside party to now love both of you, together and separately? It happens, but it is rare. I find it more likely to have multiple partners and have my partners occasionally interact with yours. Poly parties are a thing. And no, they aren't orgies. But making out in the corner is a thing.

Break time for some pervs.....

How about some rapid fire poly questions!

Do poly people get married? Yes, often married couples open their relationship to others. I know more poly married poly people than single.

Do I have a favorite dating app? Yes! Tinder, while it gets a bad rep, is inclusive with the LGBTQ+ and Poly communities. Bumble is also alright I guess. It's where I met Sean. I've recently been trying a new to me app called Hinge. They advertise that it is "the app that is meant tp be deleted" SO obviously not for poly people, but here I am meeting new people and shit.

Are poly people mainly just looking for sex? No.

So you're just looking for something casual or a hook up? No.

Isn't it just cheating? No. It's only cheating if it is outside of your relationship boundaries. If you don't already know your relationship boundaries? Uh-oh. You might be cheating!

But you can't actually cheat in a poly relationship? False. Yes you can. Open communication, means open communication. Your partners should know what and who you are doing. (ha!) Keeping things secret, hiding, or sneaking around is cheating. Doing something that was not negotiated in your relationship boundaries... is cheating. There really is no reason for it. I don't tolerate it at all.

Are you worried about STI's? Absolutely. Which is why we have an open dialogue of getting regularly tested, and practice safe sex when there are new people introduced sexually int our lives. #SafeSex #NoBabiesHere

How do you plan to have children? Don't you ever want to have kids? I personally don't want children. However, I know poly couples who are married, date each other and they already have children. They even have play dates/sleep overs and all the adults have fun and build relationships between each other. They take turns babysitting the kids and alternating partners have solo dates. I haven't met any parents yet that wouldn't agree an extra adult set of eyes and hands isn't helpful for raising kiddos. Why not be in love with them and create a family too?

"That's not for me, I'm too jealous of a person." I know that wasn't a question, but it's a statement in a form of asking me to say something in return. And I've got you covered. I have an entire blog dedicated to reply emotion jealousy and what it is, how to cope, and how it's nothing to brag about to "be a jealous person." Read it here.

What does my family think? Which one? The one I am creating full of loving, accepting people? Or the ones who hate me no matter what I do? We all have different families. I'm sure the answer to this question is different for everyone. But I'm not sure this is a typical question you ask monogamous people either. Seriously though how would you feel if your friend asked you "does you mom/aunt/uncle/niece/grandchildren approve of your new boyfriend?" Do you really value some one else's opinion of your relationship that much?

You'll settle down with one person eventually right? This is just a phase? No, this isn't the case for everyone. Some date multiple partners for decades. Some do not like the constraints of monogamy and it simply would not work with who they are as a person. Some live committed, loyal relationships with their partners, and some have occasional casual things.

And with that I leave you with this.

Is he saying he can suck a better dick then me?

Special thanks to my editor: MC_hammer