Blood Bath

Periods. Menstruation. Thousands of people are on their period at any given time. Everyday. Some have 28-30 day regular cycle, some skip weeks/months/ years at a time, some bleed for weeks or months at a time, some use an array of hormones and other birth control for regulation and difficult symptoms. Vaginas have been bleeding forever. And they will continue to do so. So why is it still so taboo to talk about it?

I would have been mortified for something like this. But see how loving, supportive and amazing this family is?!

Growing up Mormon meant that things like periods/sex/reproductive conversations were hush hush. Even our words had to be modest! I did fortunately have an odd ball, semi-hippie mother. I wasn't originally raised to be as open as she became after my parents divorced when I was nine, but I admired her cheekiness about the human body. (minus the fat/slut shaming) So when she tried to teach me how to put in a tampon the first summer I got my period, we were at the beach with her new and second husband Chad in the other room, hearing me cry and be embarrassed one leg on the toilet, half squatting and it hurt and I wasn't ready.... I decided that year I wasn't going swimming. Now I know there is such thing as free bleeding too when swimming in the ocean! (not exactly common or mainstream, but you don't need tampons/pads/menstrual cups to go swimming. just go fucking swimming!)

Years of misunderstood shame and horror began about my monthly regular bleeding. Going through puberty is hard enough man, body changes, middle school (that's when my period started at 12). Where was my confident, educational, motivational role model?! Definitely not in Clear Spring Maryland, where I grew up!

Mrs. Susan Butts was then name of our sex ed teacher all throughout high school. Yeah, you read that right. Mrs.Butts. (still a funny thing as an adult)

I had people go through my purse in high school and see my pads and tampons. Envy me that I already started my period, because I was a WOMAN, but I was so embarrassed! (Dude, I so wish I knew about menstrual cups back then. I hyper linked my blog about them, they changed my life!)

This is the brand I have been using for roughly six years, but there are other more affordable brands. It's sold at Walmart/CVS/ and many other retailers.

Have you guys seen the Netflix series Sex education? It is so informational! I definitively think that every high schooler would benefit from watching it. Even though looking back I would have really struggled getting through the show with my extremely sheltered and censored vocabulary and media, I know I would have been grateful for some real statistics, real people humor, and real examples about what goes through other teenage minds during puberty. That, and learning that masturbation is healthy and almost all teenagers do it! Comprehensive sex education instead of purity shamming is what I needed.

I ponder how might my life be different if I had someone to teach me I should keep extra pads in my locker for when I start early, or just forget. Or that that school nurse would give them to me when I ran out. With my incredibly heavy periods I often was stuck with make-shift pads from wads of toilet paper. What. A. Mess. Or that when I bleed through my pants for the second time in one day, it was okay to just go home from heavy bleeding, instead of crying in the gym locker room with a jacket around my waist. What about learning that you should have all black underwear for your period week. Cotton, breathable comfortable, and you won't ruin your cute or sexy ones! Where was this valuable information when I was 12 bleeding through every nice pair of underwear and pants I had?!

What if I had a dad that instead of crinkling his nose as if he just stepped in steaming pile of dog shit, at the mention the word "period blood" or "menstruation", he asked me what he could do for me? What if he didn't make a face or rude remarks like I was gross? What if it was even *gasps* celebrated like the post I featured above?! What if he didn't say "that's a question for your mother"? WHAT IF HE ACTUALLY CARED?! But he didn't. He wasn't educated properly.

Friends, this idea is such a core emotion that I believe would change generations. About body and self love. Bleeding is natural, healthy, and is a sign that 1) Everything is in working order and 2) You aren't pregnant! My period was late by four days this month. Scared me, I'm almost never late, but I started a new asthma medicine and weird periods were a side effect. Still, never can be too safe in my opinion.

These thoughts and actions stem from something we now identify as "toxic masculinity". That word is a buzz word lately. There are a few definitions floating around of it, but essentially "it's defined by adherence to traditional/cultural/male gender norms that consequently stigmatize and limit the emotions of others (women or young boys) while often elevating other emotions such as anger."

The toxic masculinity that I was raised in from birth to eighteen was extremely harmful for my growing body, brain, and understanding of my sexuality. It also hurt the other boys in my life, who absorbed this way of thinking, creating another generation of period-hating-grossed-out-men-from-period-blood! *UGH* It created the idea's that now occupy many men minds that "grab them by the pussy" is "locker room talk", and "if they didn't say no, they wanted it." And so many other demeaning manipulative rhetorics that I've seen plagued from all genders in my family. It's not always what is taught, but what is caught. . .

I didn't realize that my desires for sex were NORMAL, and HEALTHY. I thought I was sinful gross and something was wrong with me. Religion played a giant role in that, but where there is toxic masculinity, there is often fundamentalist religions. Toxic masculinity leads to unsafe sexual interactions and self image. It leads to not understanding consent. If you don't teach it, how do you know what it is, and that you even have a choice over your body and what you want?

My formal education of sex and the result of it was akin to the Mean Girls gymnasium sex talk "You will get pregnant and die". It could be simplified to one word: "No."

Mrs. Butts taught me what ovulation was, and I was so confused that you could "only get pregnant when ovulating, or near ovulation".... but that's because you can't predict ovulation so, YOU COULD GET PREGNANT ANY DAY OF THE MONTH. This is a false. While it can varies per person and per month, many can track your periods and ovulation. This is a misconception that is being taught to adolescence about how sex and pregnancy happens, and it start with the PERIOD. For the record, I was never taught about CONSENT. Why?! If I was, why don't I remember it it well enough?

Instead of focusing on condoms and regular STD's testings, now called STI's (because most of these 'infections' are curable now- look at that progress we have made since even my sex education years!) they taught abstinence and that "no sex is the safest sex." Errrrm, what?

So what does all this have to do with bleeding every month? Everything! It is one of the ways that I have made it to twenty-seven years old with no children, no pregnancies and or abortions. For the record, I'm pro-choice, no shaming for your reproductive choices here! I support to making the best decisions for your life and body! Abortion is a last option for myself, but still very much an option. If I can prevent a pregnancy, then I don't need an abortion.

TIps:

• I keep a calendar, and track your cycle. I use the free period app to track my symptoms, moods, and beginning periods. It also has an option to show generally where you are ovulating, for if you are planning or preventing pregnancies. :)

• Again, all black underwear for your period week! Cotton, breathable comfortable, and you won't ruin your cute or sexy ones! One of my close friends was mind blown when I told her about that trick. She was 23 and already had one child and was distraught she never thought to do incorporate this simple tip.

• Have your annual well-women's check up with OBGYN. Ask questions, and if you live in conservative area's, and are below the age 25 don't let them bully you into birth control or anything that you don't want to do. I was constantly given pep talks about my sex life and needing another form of birth control besides condoms and "counting". DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU! Stay educated.

• Do regular breasts exams. This link and your OBGYN can show you how to properly do that! Happy tidies only here! Men too!!

• Celebrate your body, as is through education! You might be surprised what you don't know about your body, sexual education.

• Help someone else along their educational journey.

Now for some more education material! This is a really awesome resource that I have been subscribed to for a while on Youtube- Mama Doctor Jones. OBGYN, Mother of four, coming at you with some science and proven facts! Her entire channel is super great, you should check her out!

So what did you think? Learn anything new today? This topic is something I could talk endlessly about. There was once a time I considered being a motivational speaker. Talking about sex education, mind and body wellness, body confidence, and self love. I still might one day because I love working with the youth, I'm relatable, outspoken, educated and an extrovert! Someone has got to help the education move forward! Why not you?